You could say it's the California girl in me, the need to wear as little as possible while roasting a child within my womb or maybe a lack of consideration for others. Call it what you will but I have no shame in wearing a bikini while 8.5 months pregnant. Thats right ladies and gentleman I sport a bikini with my happy belly saying hello to everyone I see and there is nothing you can do about it!
I am saying this because while I am on my rant about how people tell you whats on their mind whether you ask for it or not, especially while pregnant, I will no longer sit by while others say we aren't allowed to show off our tummies while preggo. I mean seriously I feel more confident in a bikini pregnant that I did when I wasn't, at least now I can blame any imperfection on the baby...jk. Seriously though, I was at the water park Saturday with my family, in 90 degree weather and roasting from the both inside and out. There is no way you could have convinced me to put on a full piece bathing suit or a tankini for that matter and sweat my butt off while simultaneously having my entire lower half dipped in water. Sorry friends this is where we will part ways. I am sexy and I know it. If you don't like it, look the other direction cause this hot mama isn't putting on a full piece unless she plans on doing some laps in an indoor pool.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thoughts on what is said and is left unsaid.
So today I was talking to a new friend of mine about slings. Well I should say we were talking about the different types of baby carriers and she was taking me through the several she had. I mean who knew that there were so many different types and then so much to know about each one?!? Anyhow this got us talking about my first experience with a carrier, a Bjorn to be exact, and the extreme difficulties I had with using it while, excuse my candor, breastfeeding.
For me the Bjorn had to be one of the most painful things to have on. If it wasn't driving me to sheer pain via the breast region, I was soon overcome with aches and pains in my lower back. Now I in no way am saying its the Bjorn's fault but rather my body frame and what works for me. And what this led me to think about was all the things I didn't know the first time around that I know now.
I mean seriously I think if most parents, mothers especially, were to write a book during the second pregnancy of all the things they didn't know the first time and are thankful for now, I think it would drastically help, or maybe just frighten first time parents more.
Anyhow down the rabbit hole I went with my train of thought. I started reflecting on all the things that happened the first time that I have yet to encounter this time around.
This may be in direct correlation to how much I am asking things but nevertheless there are certain things that I wonder why they are never said. So in my feeble attempt to be candid and upfront and hopefully prepare you for the reality of pregnancy I am going to share some of those things that have happened once or twice.
Ok so with Lily (pregnancy 1) I frequently had people say things to me about the "reality" of being a mother. They would tell me how I was going to loose my freedom, my sex drive, my ability to pee alone. How I would probably never have time to take care of myself, gone are the days of girls night out and/or date night with the hubs. There would be no spontaneity, my boobs would never look the same, I would be constantly tired and lets not forget the complete and total body change. I would hear about how labor was a "bitch" that I was insane to not take the epidural! Or I was insane not to go all natural. I mean everyone had an opinion! I remember thinking, "I need help and based on the sound of things I am going to fail miserably!" Then came the absurd comments, this stemming usually from people who just weren't thinking about what they were saying. I had the guy who shouted across the movie store "OH MY GOD YOU ARE HUGE!" Then the lady at the wedding "You look miserable!" And of course after Lily was born I had the commentary about her size, her frequency of eating and my personal favorite regarding how "she may be a good baby but wait until the next one!"
Seriously I wanted to poke people in the eyes!
Now this time around I have had less of the above and more of the warnings of difficulty of going from one to two. That if I thought I didn't have time before wait until the second one comes! Am I having a c-section again or planning on a vaginal birth? There is less assumption that I don't know what I am doing and more questions, which I actually prefer. Granted this time I myself am asking a lot less questions,which probably assists with the lack of asinine statements. I don't have the same fears wrapped up in this pregnancy either. I am not foolish enough to think Lev will be the exact same as Lily but I do believe that some things will come up again and those are the things that though forgotten over the last two years, have come flooding back when talking to some of my friends the last couple weeks.
One: C-section or Vaginal delivery it matters little. You will bleed for like 6 wks after which some how managed to be the very last thing I ever heard about when I was pregnant the first time. No one told me about the horrible panties you have to wear and the cleaning process. This is no joke. This is your "monthly bill" on steroids! So please don't be shocked if you don't feel sexy after, I cant say I know anyone who does during this time period. And yes it can put a real damper on the sex life. BUT and this is a big BUT there was no lack of desire and believe you me, Ryan and I couldn't wait for the 6 weeks to be over! So boo on you who say it leaves. However I do want to point out it takes more effort when you are working around a baby and in this case I will now be working around 2. So in some instances people are right, it is different, but not worse!
Second: Freedom: Yes it has changed. I am just now getting to the point where I can potty alone and now we are about to introduce our second one into the mix. This for a time being can be annoying but it will even itself out. I am no longer scared that I won't have "me time." Ryan and I have made it a point to give me some alone time on the weekends and it has been great. I also have found an outlet in teaching Zumba, so for me this is great "me time." I still go out with the girls and Ryan and I have made it a point to not loose our date nights. Its what keeps us sane. I think if you make it a priority it will be. Just like you make sure you eat everyday, we make sure we go out at least once a month if not more often.
Third: Breastfeeding. Ok I'm gonna go off on this one for a hot minute. When I first had Lil I remember feeling like I had to bf or I was a horrible mother. I wanted to do it not only because of the money it saved but because I saw the benefit in the bond it could/would create. However, when things didn't go the way I would have liked them to, I really took it hard. I struggled for several weeks with the fact that the pain was just too intense and that I wasn't going to be able to do it full time. I tried for over a month but eventually gave in and just pumped my milk. I did this for 11 months and looking back I am damn proud I did it that long. It was not always fun, or convenient. My boobs hurt if I went to long and having to do it every couple hours was brutal (especially in the middle of the night when I wanted to lay on my stomach.)
But I do not think that Lily and I lack a bond because I didn't feed her directly from the breast. In fact I think we are just as close as anyone who has bf. And to be honest I am happy I pumped. It gave me the freedom to have a break and let daddy, grandma/pa, aunt and uncles take over. It also made date night that much easier. So all that to say, I am not a bad mom because I couldn't stand the pain and gave in to pump. Pumping was a pain, but better than paying money out the butt for formula. So again boo on anyone who says you have to do it one way to get any one result.
Fourth: Sexiness. And I will close with this for now. I may choose to come back and talk about some more things, things I forgot about or maybe just need to ponder some more, but sexiness is defiantly one that is important. I am sexy. I didn't feel sexy often during my pregnancy the first time, actually more often than not. I feel sexy a lot more during this one and I contribute that to working out. With the first one I sat on my butt 8 hours a day and worked out 3 times a week. This one I teach Zumba 5-6 times a week and that is about all I need to do. Dancing gave me my sexy back. After Lily I lost all my weight (60 lbs I gained with her) and I felt sexier than I had in a long time. I take time to buy things that make me feel good, I allow myself cookies and frozen yogurt and I also make it a point to interact with my husband like there isn't a child in the next room sleeping. I do think getting my hair done, my feet done and taking care of myself is a big reason for this and I do not agree that you "won't have time" once you become a mom. You won't have time if you don't make time. You don't feel good about yourself then get off your butt and do something about it. I am not a bad mom because I go out on alone time. If I buy myself something instead of her/him. If I teach a class for an hour 5 times a week or if my husband and I choose to have a get away weekend and leave the kids behind. I am not sexy because I am size 2. I am sexy because I am size 10 and feel damn good about myself. I will not fall into the mom jean trap and I will stay up on hip things that help me feel like me. So again I say boo on you who say otherwise...do you notice a trend?
So with all that said I will close with this. Everyone has an opinion. They will share their version of the experience of life and you can take it for what its worth. But I caution you new moms to not take on their experience as your own. You are who you are and you and your spouse will do things your way. Your life experience and that of others may flavor what you choose to do but just because it went that way for them doesn't mean it will go that way for you. You will be ok. You are a good mom/dad. You do not have to be perfect. You will fail and that is ok. Just get back up and do it again.
For me the Bjorn had to be one of the most painful things to have on. If it wasn't driving me to sheer pain via the breast region, I was soon overcome with aches and pains in my lower back. Now I in no way am saying its the Bjorn's fault but rather my body frame and what works for me. And what this led me to think about was all the things I didn't know the first time around that I know now.
I mean seriously I think if most parents, mothers especially, were to write a book during the second pregnancy of all the things they didn't know the first time and are thankful for now, I think it would drastically help, or maybe just frighten first time parents more.
Anyhow down the rabbit hole I went with my train of thought. I started reflecting on all the things that happened the first time that I have yet to encounter this time around.
This may be in direct correlation to how much I am asking things but nevertheless there are certain things that I wonder why they are never said. So in my feeble attempt to be candid and upfront and hopefully prepare you for the reality of pregnancy I am going to share some of those things that have happened once or twice.
Ok so with Lily (pregnancy 1) I frequently had people say things to me about the "reality" of being a mother. They would tell me how I was going to loose my freedom, my sex drive, my ability to pee alone. How I would probably never have time to take care of myself, gone are the days of girls night out and/or date night with the hubs. There would be no spontaneity, my boobs would never look the same, I would be constantly tired and lets not forget the complete and total body change. I would hear about how labor was a "bitch" that I was insane to not take the epidural! Or I was insane not to go all natural. I mean everyone had an opinion! I remember thinking, "I need help and based on the sound of things I am going to fail miserably!" Then came the absurd comments, this stemming usually from people who just weren't thinking about what they were saying. I had the guy who shouted across the movie store "OH MY GOD YOU ARE HUGE!" Then the lady at the wedding "You look miserable!" And of course after Lily was born I had the commentary about her size, her frequency of eating and my personal favorite regarding how "she may be a good baby but wait until the next one!"
Seriously I wanted to poke people in the eyes!
Now this time around I have had less of the above and more of the warnings of difficulty of going from one to two. That if I thought I didn't have time before wait until the second one comes! Am I having a c-section again or planning on a vaginal birth? There is less assumption that I don't know what I am doing and more questions, which I actually prefer. Granted this time I myself am asking a lot less questions,which probably assists with the lack of asinine statements. I don't have the same fears wrapped up in this pregnancy either. I am not foolish enough to think Lev will be the exact same as Lily but I do believe that some things will come up again and those are the things that though forgotten over the last two years, have come flooding back when talking to some of my friends the last couple weeks.
One: C-section or Vaginal delivery it matters little. You will bleed for like 6 wks after which some how managed to be the very last thing I ever heard about when I was pregnant the first time. No one told me about the horrible panties you have to wear and the cleaning process. This is no joke. This is your "monthly bill" on steroids! So please don't be shocked if you don't feel sexy after, I cant say I know anyone who does during this time period. And yes it can put a real damper on the sex life. BUT and this is a big BUT there was no lack of desire and believe you me, Ryan and I couldn't wait for the 6 weeks to be over! So boo on you who say it leaves. However I do want to point out it takes more effort when you are working around a baby and in this case I will now be working around 2. So in some instances people are right, it is different, but not worse!
Second: Freedom: Yes it has changed. I am just now getting to the point where I can potty alone and now we are about to introduce our second one into the mix. This for a time being can be annoying but it will even itself out. I am no longer scared that I won't have "me time." Ryan and I have made it a point to give me some alone time on the weekends and it has been great. I also have found an outlet in teaching Zumba, so for me this is great "me time." I still go out with the girls and Ryan and I have made it a point to not loose our date nights. Its what keeps us sane. I think if you make it a priority it will be. Just like you make sure you eat everyday, we make sure we go out at least once a month if not more often.
Third: Breastfeeding. Ok I'm gonna go off on this one for a hot minute. When I first had Lil I remember feeling like I had to bf or I was a horrible mother. I wanted to do it not only because of the money it saved but because I saw the benefit in the bond it could/would create. However, when things didn't go the way I would have liked them to, I really took it hard. I struggled for several weeks with the fact that the pain was just too intense and that I wasn't going to be able to do it full time. I tried for over a month but eventually gave in and just pumped my milk. I did this for 11 months and looking back I am damn proud I did it that long. It was not always fun, or convenient. My boobs hurt if I went to long and having to do it every couple hours was brutal (especially in the middle of the night when I wanted to lay on my stomach.)
But I do not think that Lily and I lack a bond because I didn't feed her directly from the breast. In fact I think we are just as close as anyone who has bf. And to be honest I am happy I pumped. It gave me the freedom to have a break and let daddy, grandma/pa, aunt and uncles take over. It also made date night that much easier. So all that to say, I am not a bad mom because I couldn't stand the pain and gave in to pump. Pumping was a pain, but better than paying money out the butt for formula. So again boo on anyone who says you have to do it one way to get any one result.
Fourth: Sexiness. And I will close with this for now. I may choose to come back and talk about some more things, things I forgot about or maybe just need to ponder some more, but sexiness is defiantly one that is important. I am sexy. I didn't feel sexy often during my pregnancy the first time, actually more often than not. I feel sexy a lot more during this one and I contribute that to working out. With the first one I sat on my butt 8 hours a day and worked out 3 times a week. This one I teach Zumba 5-6 times a week and that is about all I need to do. Dancing gave me my sexy back. After Lily I lost all my weight (60 lbs I gained with her) and I felt sexier than I had in a long time. I take time to buy things that make me feel good, I allow myself cookies and frozen yogurt and I also make it a point to interact with my husband like there isn't a child in the next room sleeping. I do think getting my hair done, my feet done and taking care of myself is a big reason for this and I do not agree that you "won't have time" once you become a mom. You won't have time if you don't make time. You don't feel good about yourself then get off your butt and do something about it. I am not a bad mom because I go out on alone time. If I buy myself something instead of her/him. If I teach a class for an hour 5 times a week or if my husband and I choose to have a get away weekend and leave the kids behind. I am not sexy because I am size 2. I am sexy because I am size 10 and feel damn good about myself. I will not fall into the mom jean trap and I will stay up on hip things that help me feel like me. So again I say boo on you who say otherwise...do you notice a trend?
So with all that said I will close with this. Everyone has an opinion. They will share their version of the experience of life and you can take it for what its worth. But I caution you new moms to not take on their experience as your own. You are who you are and you and your spouse will do things your way. Your life experience and that of others may flavor what you choose to do but just because it went that way for them doesn't mean it will go that way for you. You will be ok. You are a good mom/dad. You do not have to be perfect. You will fail and that is ok. Just get back up and do it again.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Lessons
I have a million thoughts running around in my head. Being pregnant can cause me to be all over the place, well at least more than normal. :) So instead of trying to make sense of one or two things and writing about those I am just going to spew it all out and see how it goes.
Today I was reminded of what a blessed woman I am. Blessed for a number of reasons, in some ways I may not even be aware of, nevertheless I am going to take a minute to express my thanks by sharing with you what was brought to light this weekend.
My husband. This weekend I was reminded of how much of a great man, husband, father he truly is. These days its seems like you often hear about men who aren't there, who aren't faithful, who aren't good role models. Who are full of themselves, out for their own and ignorant of what it means to be a "real" man. I for one am sick of hearing it. Now I am not saying that there aren't there fair share of men who haven't royally screwed up. I mean I have had personal experience with the several of those named above, but my husband is not one of them. I don't ever question whether he will be there in the morning, if he will take an active part in his children's lives or if we will have food on the table. I know he still finds me irresistible (even 7.5 months pregnant) and looks forward to spending the rest of his life with me. He adores his daughter and isn't afraid to show it and is never ever any question of whether we will have a roof over our heads. He continues to amaze me with his ideas on how to challenge and better our lives, his willingness to change and experience new things and to never settle for less. I didn't grow up with man in my life who comes close to resembling my husband. In fact some might have assumed I would have ended up with a carbon copy of the ones that were. But by Gods grace and mercy I have got the man who defies all the odds. Thank you Jesus for your redeeming power.
My children. Yesterday, just before I went to bed, I was on Facebook checking out how people are doing on the west coast. I noticed a post from a friend who was about 34 weeks pregnant. She was at the store and her water broke and her and her husband were on their way to the hospital. Now anyone who is aware of the time line of birth knows for a healthy baby 34 weeks is still in the early stages and can cause some serious issues. However for this set of friends their little boy has a heart condition and was already given a unfavorable prognosis if he was born on time. Needless to say they sent out a request for prayer and a desire to see God work a miracle. This morning I woke up to see what the update was and sadly he was born with no heartbeat. He didn't respond to any attempts to resuscitate and he went to be with our Lord. Of course like anyone you are instantly moved and brought to tears. I prayed and then of course like any pregnant woman would, reflected on my own experience. I was blessed to have a healthy daughter 2.5 years ago and as far as we know are due to have a happy healthy boy in 2.5 months. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child, not in utero, in birth or after any amount of time after. My heart breaks for my friends and cannot imagine the pain they are experiencing. I am then brought to thanksgiving. Thankful that I have a promise of a heavenly father who has his arms wrapped around my friends and is able to do all things. Thankful that I have healthy children and have not had to go through what my friends and so many others have. Thankful that when I get struck with fear that something like this could happen to me and I wouldn't make it through, that the Lord reminds of my how untrue that thought is.
His provision. Like I touched upon previously I am so thankful for what he has given. Today I am thankful for his financial provision. Ryan and I are apart of Samaritan Ministries, a medical share group where we are given the opportunity to share our needs with other Christians and to not only help pay for those needs but to walk with them and pray for them along the journey. Anyhow we submitted our need for the hospital bill that will total somewhere around 8 grand after all is said and done. Like with anything there is always a chance that things won't fully be covered but we received in the mail yesterday the notice that our full need has been submitted and we will receive full compensation come June! Praise the Lord! This is great news as we were only compensated 80% of the doctor bills for the prenatal care. This just took a big stress out of my mind and answered a prayer. He is faithful and continues to show me that daily.
Friends. Ok after 4 years of being in Lynchburg I have finally started to find my stride. I have some great ladies in my life and I am thankful for each of them and the role they have in my life and the lives of my family members. But I also was reminded earlier this week on a friends birthday of how blessed I am to have my friends around the world. I know some really awesome women and men who have all had seriously influential moments in my life. Some where able to be there for longer periods of time than others but all of them have special places in my mind and heart. As a 33 year old woman I can look back at times in my life where I did some crazy stuff. I wasn't always a great person, I made some stupid mistakes and paid for each of them in my own way. But as I look at Facebook, read emails and letters I have received I am aware of all the really great people who have stood by me through it all. I am thankful that friendship isn't based on location or length of time.
Ok and as usual I have hit a wall and I am exhausted. Its nap time. 8 hour nap time. I shall ramble some more later.
Today I was reminded of what a blessed woman I am. Blessed for a number of reasons, in some ways I may not even be aware of, nevertheless I am going to take a minute to express my thanks by sharing with you what was brought to light this weekend.
My husband. This weekend I was reminded of how much of a great man, husband, father he truly is. These days its seems like you often hear about men who aren't there, who aren't faithful, who aren't good role models. Who are full of themselves, out for their own and ignorant of what it means to be a "real" man. I for one am sick of hearing it. Now I am not saying that there aren't there fair share of men who haven't royally screwed up. I mean I have had personal experience with the several of those named above, but my husband is not one of them. I don't ever question whether he will be there in the morning, if he will take an active part in his children's lives or if we will have food on the table. I know he still finds me irresistible (even 7.5 months pregnant) and looks forward to spending the rest of his life with me. He adores his daughter and isn't afraid to show it and is never ever any question of whether we will have a roof over our heads. He continues to amaze me with his ideas on how to challenge and better our lives, his willingness to change and experience new things and to never settle for less. I didn't grow up with man in my life who comes close to resembling my husband. In fact some might have assumed I would have ended up with a carbon copy of the ones that were. But by Gods grace and mercy I have got the man who defies all the odds. Thank you Jesus for your redeeming power.
My children. Yesterday, just before I went to bed, I was on Facebook checking out how people are doing on the west coast. I noticed a post from a friend who was about 34 weeks pregnant. She was at the store and her water broke and her and her husband were on their way to the hospital. Now anyone who is aware of the time line of birth knows for a healthy baby 34 weeks is still in the early stages and can cause some serious issues. However for this set of friends their little boy has a heart condition and was already given a unfavorable prognosis if he was born on time. Needless to say they sent out a request for prayer and a desire to see God work a miracle. This morning I woke up to see what the update was and sadly he was born with no heartbeat. He didn't respond to any attempts to resuscitate and he went to be with our Lord. Of course like anyone you are instantly moved and brought to tears. I prayed and then of course like any pregnant woman would, reflected on my own experience. I was blessed to have a healthy daughter 2.5 years ago and as far as we know are due to have a happy healthy boy in 2.5 months. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child, not in utero, in birth or after any amount of time after. My heart breaks for my friends and cannot imagine the pain they are experiencing. I am then brought to thanksgiving. Thankful that I have a promise of a heavenly father who has his arms wrapped around my friends and is able to do all things. Thankful that I have healthy children and have not had to go through what my friends and so many others have. Thankful that when I get struck with fear that something like this could happen to me and I wouldn't make it through, that the Lord reminds of my how untrue that thought is.
His provision. Like I touched upon previously I am so thankful for what he has given. Today I am thankful for his financial provision. Ryan and I are apart of Samaritan Ministries, a medical share group where we are given the opportunity to share our needs with other Christians and to not only help pay for those needs but to walk with them and pray for them along the journey. Anyhow we submitted our need for the hospital bill that will total somewhere around 8 grand after all is said and done. Like with anything there is always a chance that things won't fully be covered but we received in the mail yesterday the notice that our full need has been submitted and we will receive full compensation come June! Praise the Lord! This is great news as we were only compensated 80% of the doctor bills for the prenatal care. This just took a big stress out of my mind and answered a prayer. He is faithful and continues to show me that daily.
Friends. Ok after 4 years of being in Lynchburg I have finally started to find my stride. I have some great ladies in my life and I am thankful for each of them and the role they have in my life and the lives of my family members. But I also was reminded earlier this week on a friends birthday of how blessed I am to have my friends around the world. I know some really awesome women and men who have all had seriously influential moments in my life. Some where able to be there for longer periods of time than others but all of them have special places in my mind and heart. As a 33 year old woman I can look back at times in my life where I did some crazy stuff. I wasn't always a great person, I made some stupid mistakes and paid for each of them in my own way. But as I look at Facebook, read emails and letters I have received I am aware of all the really great people who have stood by me through it all. I am thankful that friendship isn't based on location or length of time.
Ok and as usual I have hit a wall and I am exhausted. Its nap time. 8 hour nap time. I shall ramble some more later.
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