What it means...

There is something about dance that makes my heart move. I can be doing it or I can watch it and it brings forth emotion I wasn't aware of. I am in love with dance.

Recently I have had some changes in life. I am not talking the changes all people are aware of such as marriage, baby, home and so on. But people and things from my past being brought from a place I thought no longer existed to what is very much real and alive in front of me. This has caused me to be moody, angry, sad, happy, confused, excited and frustrated. Its those emotions that I feel come out when I dance or see a dance piece that exhibits the very depth of what I have a hard time expressing in my day to day life. Tonight I watched a piece that caused me to feel so much joy and at the same time instantly recall the thing that has felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders. It was the moment of joy that has helped me to see I need some help with the weight. So for that reason I am once again thankful for dance.

Pause..

Today after teaching my class I was sitting with Lily and a friend discussing comings and goings of the day. I was stopped by several students telling me that they enjoyed the class and one of my older students informed me she was writing a poem for me. Sweet..the inspiration I had a hand in and in turn what was given back to me.
Later crippled by my back pain I lay on my couch watching Lily so peaceful playing with her toys and dancing to the music playing on my computer. Thankful that she is so laid back and doesn't require me to be up and running around while I lay in pain. I decided to look at facebook and read up on some of my friends happenings. Its nice in times like these when I am so far away to have little glimpses into their daily lives.

Today I was especially moved by one of my very dear friends and a video she posted for us all to share in. This friend, who for the sake of the blog shall remain nameless, has been such a light in my life over the last 6 years. She and I shared trips around the world. Seeing things that to this day can still draw such emotion from me. She has shared in some of the roughest moments of my personal battle and Id like to think I have shared in some of hers as well. Anyhow, on her page was a video sharing with all of us one of those moments that so many wish they had video to capture. She has recently become engaged and her fiance surprised her with her family and friends just after the engagement! The look on her face as she walked in the door was so classic. If you know her you know that face and the thoughts that came with it and at that moment I was so thankful for video, Facebook and the feeling of knowing someone. I cried as I watched her with such joy embrace her family and show off that ring. The journey she has been on the last few years has been one that causes me to pause and look at the hands of the Lord in her life and all of ours. I am so happy for her. Happy actually doesn't begin to explain it. I thank God that He has such love for us and that he can make all things new.

So with that said I pause for a moment. Thankful for my husband, my daughter, my family, extended family, and friends. For those who know me and could know a response just by looking. I love you guys. 

Last nights crazy dream

So last night Ryan was gone and I had the king size bed to myself. Now for most this may be a lovely treat to have a big huge bed to themselves but for me it only means a night of tossing and turning and often funky dreams!
I often subject Ryan to my weird dreams. The twists and turns and the things that make no sense...well at least they don't to him, and last night was no exception. So at some point in my dream I ended up living in a new home but it wasn't here in Lynchburg. As usual it was a fictional town I created in my mind. This time my neighbors consisted of the girls that were in my bible study while I was in college. These girls at the time being 9th graders and I being a senior in college, were now grown to be the same age as myself but I had not aged at all. Anyhow Ryan and I had bought this home to prepare ourselves for the baby that was on the way. Now this may seem sorta normal at this point and nothing to nod your head at but here is where is gets a bit strange.
So Lily existed and was with us in the new home but suddenly I went from being 5 wks pregnant to being rushed to a hospital to deliver my babies...that's right babies. I was having twins!! Then suddenly I am passed out, knocked unconscious from the fear of twins I suppose only to wake up and find myself sore and unsure of what happened. I looked down and it appeared that I had three scars now instead of two from the c-section and to top it off wasn't sure where my children were. I fell back asleep and this time woke to find I had two more little girls.Skip forward who knows how many days and we are now home. I am not real sure where anyone is, children, husband, family, strangers? Where did they go? Next thing I know  I am going back and forth between the house and the hospital and constantly forgetting the babies. Not sure if they have been fed or how big they are, I am in a constant state of panic. Now the dream from there gets to strange to type and honestly I am not sure I can explain it all but I woke up freaking out that I not only was going to have twins the next time we conceived but I was somehow going to miss the birthing experience and misplace them for several days.  I can now say that I am sure I wont forget them...but twins?

Appreciate

I appreciate it when you tell it like it is.
I appreciate it when you tell me I have food in my teeth, mascara under my eyes, or my pants on inside out.
I appreciate it when you share how you feel..
I appreciate it when you help me save me from myself,
I appreciate it when you're honest.
I appreciate it when you are my friend.
I appreciate it when you don't feed me a line of bull.

I appreciate you know my crazy side.
I appreciate you took the time see my crazy side.
I appreciate you know I love trail mix, hate cottage cheese and have an addiction to anything coconut.
I appreciate you know that dancing makes me sane.
I appreciate you took the time to dance with me.

I appreciate you know my heart.
I appreciate you never took it and ran.

I appreciate your willingness to go deep.
I appreciate your willingness to stay light.
I appreciate your time and your effort.
I appreciate your smile and your comfort.
I appreciate your steadiness.
I appreciate your fumbles.
I appreciate your realness.
I appreciate your heart.
I appreciate your humor.
I appreciate your tears.
I appreciate your embrace.
I appreciate your friendship.

I appreciate you... love.