Post 25: The day after

Thankful that the day of Thanks went without being on the internet and spent with family doing our family tradition of a meal and a movie. Today we shall put up the Christmas decor and maybe attempt to do a little shopping.

Post 23: Mussels.

Tonight we ate dinner at Main Street Eatery and I had endless mussels and it's the first thing I've ate all day that hasn't made me wanna puke. Strange I know but so thankful fir thus dish otherwise I'd be a hungry girl tonight wishing I had something, anything to eat.

Post 22: Airplanes and family

Today my parents come for the holidays. This will be the first Thanksgiving since we have lived here that we will have family to spend the holiday with. I am so thankful for airplanes and the ability to fly across country in one day. I am happy that this ability has enabled me  to be with family during such a great holiday and to celebrate with them the upcoming birth of our second child!

Post 21: My Hubs

So thankful for my husband who never fails to show his love and support for me, especially when Im preggers. One of my  favorite things is having my back rubbed as I fall asleep and this is really my top choice of affection when Im not feeling well. So for the last two nights he has rubbed my pregnant back and been a sweetie pie. Thank you babe. I love you.

Post 20: For not keeping secrets

So last night we were finally able to tell both set of parents that we are expecting another little bundle of joy. I am so thankful that my husband isn't a stickler for keeping secrets because I couldn't take it any longer! So today I am thankful for finally being able to talk to anyone about it and not worry I might slip up and reveal the big secret to my family before the announcement photos were done. Thankful for technology and the ability to take photos of the announcement and send it the very same day to family. Thankful that we are once again able to bring another baby to this world. God is good.

Combo Post 18 & 19: Vacation and rest

As we approach the last few weeks of November and get a bit closer to Thanksgiving Day I am thankful for the holiday season and the time I get to spend with family. I love date night and time to talk to my husband but what is really great is talking about what the upcoming year and all the new adventures we will embark on. So thankful for this whole year and the many more to come.

Post 17: Favorites

Today Lily got to spend time doing her favorite things. Playing princess dress up with friends and watching Happy Elf and Tangled. I am exhausted but thankful that my daughter had so much fun she took a two hour nap. YAY!

Post 16: take out

Thankful for take out on days like today when I have little to no energy and want nothing but to cuddle up and take a nap, for like 10 hours. Thank you to all those hole in the wall Mexican places I miss from CA and tonight thank you to Osaka for being my go to Japanese tasty goodness.

Post 15: many things

There are so many things that I can think of on a daily basis to be thankful for. I know that on some days I more thankful for just making it through the day and on others I am overwhelmed but all that I have before me. My heart can feel so big that it feels as if it could explode. Today I am most thankful for the love of those who are closest to me. The ones who have stuck it out, took the time and appreciated the process. I am thankful for the ones who have been given to me simply because God saw fit and not because I have done anything to deserve it. I am thankful for old and new friends. I am thankful for the ability to realize the gifts given and that even though I don't always do it right, I show my gratefulness to them every chance I get. Some people in life don't get to experience true love and friendship. I have been blessed to experience time and time again. I don't want to miss out on the joy of that statement and focus on things I don't have. So today to all of you reading this or not. I am giving thanks to God for you. You have made my life so rich.

Post 14: Thank you

Thank you Trader Joes for making banana chips. Yep banana chips, you are amazing.

Post 13: thanks to the bod

This morning, well and many mornings as of late, I woke up being amazed at the human body. I can't believe what we are made of and how we function on a daily basis with little to no thought. Then I thought about how blessed I am to wake up. Listen if you have never taken time to think about how you breath in and out and how you go to sleep and wake with little to no effort than take some time to think. Today I am thankful for my body, for the ability to teach 11 classes in 9 days, to give birth and so much more.
Thank you body. Thank you God for creating this body.

Post 12: Random Acts of Kindness

Dear stranger in the parking lot:

Today I am thankful for people like you who, on a cold windy day such as today,  offer to take the grocery cart from me so that I can continue to load my groceries and Lily into the car. It is one of the most displeasing things about grocery shopping for me. The runaway cart while loading your child in the car. Then saving it before it hits another vehicle. Then running it frantically to the cart return as to not leave you child unattended in the car for longer then 30 seconds. (side note I often drive around to find a spot close to the cart return during the winter season so I don't have to keep Lily in the cold, today I was unsuccessful at such attempts which makes this even better). So when a complete stranger sees you in need and offers to do such a simple easy thing, I have to delight in it. So thank you stranger for your random act of kindness.

Post 10 & 11

Dear time that gets away from me. I am thankful for you today and yesterday when I was so busy with friends and family and work I enjoy doing that I didn't have time to sit and write what I was thankful for. I went to bed with a full heart.

Sincerely,

A grateful heart

Post 9: Upon waking

So last night I was so hot I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up and then slightly hallucinating that Lily was screaming from the room next to ours. (of course she was out cold, I think it was the air conditioner).

Anyhow, I kept trying to sleep and eventually it worked out. I slept and then woke up to Lily knocking on the door to let me know she had pooped. What a way to wake up. Ha. But then I was reminded that I got to wake up, period. So today, unlike most days, I am aware of the gift of life and that waking up is a great blessing. Thankful for another day of life and being woken up by children who like to tell you about their bowel movements. :)

Post 8: Need I say more?

Post 7: Dear Daylight Savings

I am not sure that I am using the extra hour the same way as everyone else but I am definitely thankful for it. I had been sleeping in until 8-:830 every morning and having a hard time focusing the rest of the day from the strange lack/extra sleep. So with the hour change Lily has been waking at 6:15 thus making me wake no later than 7. This morning I found myself taking my time to get ready for class and even being able to nap a bit with Ryan on the couch before we started our day. So for that I am thankful. Good morning to you day light savings time. :)

Post 6: dear drivers

Dear drivers,

Today I am thankful for those of you who know how to yield, merge, drive the necessary speed limit and so on. For it is without you that my daily driving experiences would lead me to a world of insanity.

Sincerely,
Driving with wisdom :)

Post 5: Short and sweet

Thankful today. The whole day. Every part of today. Even the parts that were kinda boring or frustrating. I am thankful that I had the whole day to with as I pleased. To be where I wanted when I wanted. The end icing on the cake of this day. Lily sitting next to me at lunch and turning to me and Ryan and saying out of nowhere, "Jesus loves me.." Yep that was pretty awesome.

Post 4: Hot Dates and Frozen Yogurt

Well I thought I would begin the weekend with a double hitter. Mainly because two of my favorite things are date night and frozen yogurt. And tonight my friends I am partaking in both. Yep a little dinning and yogurt action with the hubs and then off to a movie..
If you aren't married yet or should I say if you are and don't have kids, don't take this time for granted. I love my daughter to pieces but having time with just Ryan is hard to come by, even harder when you have to pay someone to watch your kid. (the downside to not living near your parents, also keep that in mind if you are married without kids) 
So on nights like this or on the rare occasion when my dearest friend "Auntie" Amy takes Lily for the weekend, I rejoice in my time with my hubs. I mean he is pretty hot and I like staring at him. Especially over a cup of coconut frozen yogurt!

Post 3: Thanks to all things girlie

Do you love this pic or what? Ha just made me laugh out loud when I saw it. You get it girls!

Today I am giving thanks to girl time. As a mom and a wife there is a lot on my plate. I love spending time with my family, taking care of the home and doing all the things that come along with those titles. However once a week I get to step away and have a little me time. Its during that me time that I get to partake in all things girlie! Be it pedicures, chick flicks or just some great chit chat time with my best girl friends.
Tonight I got to spend some time with one of my favorite people and it was nothing short of delightful. I wont share the details of the conversation, as I believe some things are better kept secret. :) But a little tea and conversation was all I needed tonight to feel charged and ready to hit the week with a little more gusto!
So thankful for girl time.

Post 2: Radio shows

Today I am thankful for the broadcast on NPR called This American Life.
Without it I would probably want to shoot myself due to the repetition of the same five songs on the three radio stations available to me in Lynchburg.
If you have never listened to this program, you should. Its like movies for the radio. I love the stories and the vast amounts of information I take in from listening to this program.
And these days since my time to read or watch anything informational is limited. I am thankful that while I drive around town running a million and one errands, I have something to listen to that keeps me in tune with the rest of the world.
So thank you Ira Glass and thank you NPR.

Month of Thanks..post 1

So a couple months ago I was reading this blog called THXTHXTHX. It is basically one woman writing down the things she is thankful for everyday. I love reading it cause some of the things she pays thanks to are some of the very things I tend to look over. I often laugh and smile when reading her blog and more recently have started taking a look at my own thought process and what I thankful for. So in honor of her blog, Thanksgiving and all things that make me smile I am going to blog every day this month something I am thankful for.

So today. Day one. Would be easy right...I mean I haven't said anything and there is so much to pick from. However it is precisely that abundance that has left me a bit stumped as to what my opening blog should be. That is it did all morning and some of this afternoon. Then I went to lay Lily down for her nap (well rest time cause she doesn't nap  much these days) I read a book or two and then we talked about drawing. When I went to give her a kiss she smiled. Instead of puckering her lips she just smiled. Big grin, teeth and all and as I smooched her she began to laugh. It was hilarious. She kept saying OK OK smooch and then I would lean in to kiss her and she would laugh hysterically and refuse to complete the kiss. We died laughing about this for about five minutes to which she ended the big smile smooching session with asking me to kiss her foot. Now this may seem strange but she had just stepped on her toy and I had kissed it better so she was merely asking for one more kiss for good measure. Ha. The funnier part is her foot stunk. She had been wearing her Toms without socks and is a sweating food so her feet smelled. This began more laughter which went on and on for about another three minutes.
All that to say I left the room wishing her sweet dreams and found my first post for Thanksgiving.
My daughter and her spirit is one of the best things I have been given in life. I love being her mom and I love her little smoochy face.

Embracing..

First let me say that last night I took a Body Jam class at one of the gyms I work at. It was the first class Ive gone to in months that I havent taught myself, and I loved it!  I have to say that it was great to go to a class that was so challenging and to experience someone teaching who exhibits the same passion I feel when I am teaching my classes.

With that I had to stop and chat with the instructor afterwards so I could tell him just how much I liked the class and that I was looking into getting certified as well since I liked it so much. We ended up practicing some of the routines and discussing the hardships of training. The conversation led to chatting about our journeys with challenging our bodies to reach their best. This was interesting for me to discuss with a man who is by no means obsessed with how he ooks but cares enough to be healthy and fit. He knows his weaknesses and his limits. He challenges himself and believes he can be more than what some have said he would never become.

I loved this! Mainly because as of late, you can tell by reading previous posts, I to have had my own revelation. I can and have said for some time now that this is the first time in years, maybe since I was a young child, that I do not feel like I am less because (fill in the blank). I am confident in my figure, I am loving my 30s,( 30-32 have been the best of my life). It is not a passing phase. I have reached the thing I have been striving for for years. I am HAPPY with who I am.

Now all of that to say that it doesn't mean I am not taking care of myself, that I don't wear makeup to enhance my natural beauty or stopped enjoying shopping to find those perfect jeans. What it does mean is that I am no longer trying to be something I am not.  And what has helped me to get there is finding those things that I really truly love.  You know that saying " Do What You Love and You Will Love What You Do?'  Well for years I had no idea what that was. It was having Lily and having the opportunity to teach dance aerobics that awakened those things for me. I truly love what I do. Motherhood and Dance are my gems. And thank the Lord for them.

So the question/challenge is:
What is your gem? Do you get excited when you go to work every day? Are you happy with who you are? Are you trying to be something your not? Whatever the answers, own them. Be honest with yourself and make the changes that need to be made. Then rock it. There is nothing shameful in being who you are and doing what God made you to do.

A box of tissues

Ok so in my attempt to make it through some of the movies of the past this week I landed on a true classic in my opinion (which is largely influenced by my mothers love for one of the main characters). A Star is Born is a great movie and mainly I think this is because I have a strong affection for Mrs. Barbara herself. My mother basically raised me on her music and watching her movies always takes me back to a place of peace and joy from my childhood.
This movie is particular I have watched a few times throughout the years but never all the way through. I added it to my netflix que a couple weeks ago and finally sat down to watch it tonight. Man what a different perspective I have on this movie since my last viewing experience. now being married and having a child I was a huge basket case. I think I cried the entire last twenty minutes. ha.

So this is just a quick note to say watch out the next time you watch a movie with some ties in it that bring your heart to pieces. And bring a box of tissues.
The End

I am Nicole Regine Neace

It is interesting the things that come, be it with motherhood, your 30s, life experience or some combination there of. For me its been Lily's birth that has really pushed things into fast forward. My entire view point has shifted and I think now I am finally turning into the woman I've always desired to be.


I don't think its rare for a woman to say she has struggled with self identity and worth at some point in her life. I believe finding acceptance within yourself and from others is tricky and that some battle more than others. For the longest time I would say that it was the acceptance of my outside, my appearance, to be my greatest struggle. For the most part who I was and who I am today on the inside is not only acceptable by my terms but the worlds as well. It is the way I looked on the outside that had presented some speculation.


As far back as 6th grade I can remember hearing comments about the size of my behind and so forth. As I got older it wasn't any easier. After going through a mess with my family and moving from town to town food became a friend. Weight packed on and my self-esteem went into the toilet. This continued on until my mid 20s.  Blame it on a messed up family or the media or a combination of both, either way I was a hot mess.

I can recount my mission trip to Thailand with a friend and hearing the Thai people talk about my size.  Where they would place me in the car and who they thought was prettiest between my friend and I. They thought I was fat and were not shy about saying it to my face. Frequently they would compare me to my friend, who was thin and model like to them. This led to a breakdown at the end of my trip while trying to purchase some clothing from a vendor. The lady slapped the under part of her arm and spoke to me in Thai saying I was to fat for the top I was interested in. What was  shocking to me was that on one hand I was disgusted by their blunt behavior and on the other I agreed.  I thought here is the confirmation I have been looking for! Finally someone is saying to my face what I have always believed. I am fat and that is a horrible unacceptable thing!

It was the proof I needed that it was not just a useless American standard but a world standard.  Fat was not ok with anyone. But then there was the time I had spent in Africa, where again I was called fat, but in an adoring manner. I was looked upon as royalty! Beauty was found in the curves of my hips and the fullness of my behind. To them my size meant wealth and desire. Man, talk about a contrast! So what did I learn from this...something that took years to sink in...

After my time overseas I came home to California and immediately set out to make a change. I started dieting.I went to a gym. I danced. I grew up and I found friends I liked and liked me back.  I thought finally I will be the woman that everyone can accept. They will love my outsides as much as my insides! Though all those things begun to take place I still struggled to like myself. I mean yes I gained confidence and I liked how I looked, but it still wasn't enough. I wasn't enough.  I was comparing myself to the 5ft 10 models at 120 lbs.  I'd beat myself up because I couldn't fit into size 8 citizen jeans. I mean I still had this curvaceous body, there was nothing wafer or boyish about it, and still I was ashamed.


So where does that leave me? Fast forward five years, I move to Nashville. I meet the man of my dreams, I get married and I have a daughter. It was with the birth of my daughter and the amazement of how God created this little person within me, that has changed my perspective drastically. Here is this beautiful little girl, one who has a smile that radiates and a eyes that could knock you off your feet.  And this isn't true because I am comparing her to someone whom I have been told is the picture of beauty and therefore convinced of her own. It is because she is flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood that I can see her for who she really is. It is this thought process that enables me to see myself, for the first time in many regards, as a beautiful, curvy, intelligent woman. One that doesn't ever need to be 5'10 and 12 0lbs to be a sexy, desirable, worthy, unforgettable woman. I am simply because I am.

Anyhow all this to say there are many insights that have come. Some life changes have taken place. Plans that have been set in stone and I won't share them all but I will share this. I will not tell my daughter she is ugly, unworthy or some how less because of who she is on the outside or the in. I will strive to live out  the confidence in myself and who God created me to be so that she can have someone to look up to. I will no longer live in a house that speaks in code about how we are to look. Diets are no longer a part of my regular vocabulary. (I will never go on a diet again!) I will take care of myself by eating well. I will be physically active and enjoy the things that challenge my body to be its best. Moreover,  I will never again strive to be that 5'10 model at 120 lbs.  I am Nicole Regine Neace, 5'7 and 165 lbs of pure sexiness! I am kickass!  I am smart! I am funny and I am loved! I am worth more than those who have shamed me in my past and I am more than I thought I was at 12, 22 and even 30. I am phenomenal. Phenomenal woman thats me!

Adults who act like children

So over the course of the last few weeks I have come in contact with several people who've decided acting like a child works better for them. Now I recognize that we all have our moments. Some times we say something out of line or share something that wasn't ours to share. But I cannot stand it when people are petty for no reason. Case in point, I currently teach Zumba at three locations in town. Now I love teaching at all these places, and if given the opportunity I will continue to teach and branch out at other places. I never speak about the other places I teach while in class but I do have several people who follow me on facebook and are aware of my teaching schedule. Now it has come to my attention that certain people who teach the same classes as me are being petty and gossiping about other instructors. This is useless and pointless to me. If I have a student come up to me after a class and discuss another teacher I will often tell them that they are entitled to their opinion and if they want to share their concerns with the director that is the best thing for them to do. Otherwise try other instructors. ( I mean for goodness sakes we have 8 teachers find who you like and go to their class) But I do not have patience for the instructors who bad mouth other instructors or go to the "boss" and tell them negative things for the sake of tattling. I mean seriously how old are you?! For some reason certain instructors don't like sharing/subbing for other instructors and that is fine I suppose. But what does it really matter. We are teaching a freaking zumba class for crying out loud. This is not an do or die situation so who cares when and if you teach. Ugh.
Ok done with that...now on to rest of my day

What it means...

There is something about dance that makes my heart move. I can be doing it or I can watch it and it brings forth emotion I wasn't aware of. I am in love with dance.

Recently I have had some changes in life. I am not talking the changes all people are aware of such as marriage, baby, home and so on. But people and things from my past being brought from a place I thought no longer existed to what is very much real and alive in front of me. This has caused me to be moody, angry, sad, happy, confused, excited and frustrated. Its those emotions that I feel come out when I dance or see a dance piece that exhibits the very depth of what I have a hard time expressing in my day to day life. Tonight I watched a piece that caused me to feel so much joy and at the same time instantly recall the thing that has felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders. It was the moment of joy that has helped me to see I need some help with the weight. So for that reason I am once again thankful for dance.

Pause..

Today after teaching my class I was sitting with Lily and a friend discussing comings and goings of the day. I was stopped by several students telling me that they enjoyed the class and one of my older students informed me she was writing a poem for me. Sweet..the inspiration I had a hand in and in turn what was given back to me.
Later crippled by my back pain I lay on my couch watching Lily so peaceful playing with her toys and dancing to the music playing on my computer. Thankful that she is so laid back and doesn't require me to be up and running around while I lay in pain. I decided to look at facebook and read up on some of my friends happenings. Its nice in times like these when I am so far away to have little glimpses into their daily lives.

Today I was especially moved by one of my very dear friends and a video she posted for us all to share in. This friend, who for the sake of the blog shall remain nameless, has been such a light in my life over the last 6 years. She and I shared trips around the world. Seeing things that to this day can still draw such emotion from me. She has shared in some of the roughest moments of my personal battle and Id like to think I have shared in some of hers as well. Anyhow, on her page was a video sharing with all of us one of those moments that so many wish they had video to capture. She has recently become engaged and her fiance surprised her with her family and friends just after the engagement! The look on her face as she walked in the door was so classic. If you know her you know that face and the thoughts that came with it and at that moment I was so thankful for video, Facebook and the feeling of knowing someone. I cried as I watched her with such joy embrace her family and show off that ring. The journey she has been on the last few years has been one that causes me to pause and look at the hands of the Lord in her life and all of ours. I am so happy for her. Happy actually doesn't begin to explain it. I thank God that He has such love for us and that he can make all things new.

So with that said I pause for a moment. Thankful for my husband, my daughter, my family, extended family, and friends. For those who know me and could know a response just by looking. I love you guys. 

Last nights crazy dream

So last night Ryan was gone and I had the king size bed to myself. Now for most this may be a lovely treat to have a big huge bed to themselves but for me it only means a night of tossing and turning and often funky dreams!
I often subject Ryan to my weird dreams. The twists and turns and the things that make no sense...well at least they don't to him, and last night was no exception. So at some point in my dream I ended up living in a new home but it wasn't here in Lynchburg. As usual it was a fictional town I created in my mind. This time my neighbors consisted of the girls that were in my bible study while I was in college. These girls at the time being 9th graders and I being a senior in college, were now grown to be the same age as myself but I had not aged at all. Anyhow Ryan and I had bought this home to prepare ourselves for the baby that was on the way. Now this may seem sorta normal at this point and nothing to nod your head at but here is where is gets a bit strange.
So Lily existed and was with us in the new home but suddenly I went from being 5 wks pregnant to being rushed to a hospital to deliver my babies...that's right babies. I was having twins!! Then suddenly I am passed out, knocked unconscious from the fear of twins I suppose only to wake up and find myself sore and unsure of what happened. I looked down and it appeared that I had three scars now instead of two from the c-section and to top it off wasn't sure where my children were. I fell back asleep and this time woke to find I had two more little girls.Skip forward who knows how many days and we are now home. I am not real sure where anyone is, children, husband, family, strangers? Where did they go? Next thing I know  I am going back and forth between the house and the hospital and constantly forgetting the babies. Not sure if they have been fed or how big they are, I am in a constant state of panic. Now the dream from there gets to strange to type and honestly I am not sure I can explain it all but I woke up freaking out that I not only was going to have twins the next time we conceived but I was somehow going to miss the birthing experience and misplace them for several days.  I can now say that I am sure I wont forget them...but twins?

Appreciate

I appreciate it when you tell it like it is.
I appreciate it when you tell me I have food in my teeth, mascara under my eyes, or my pants on inside out.
I appreciate it when you share how you feel..
I appreciate it when you help me save me from myself,
I appreciate it when you're honest.
I appreciate it when you are my friend.
I appreciate it when you don't feed me a line of bull.

I appreciate you know my crazy side.
I appreciate you took the time see my crazy side.
I appreciate you know I love trail mix, hate cottage cheese and have an addiction to anything coconut.
I appreciate you know that dancing makes me sane.
I appreciate you took the time to dance with me.

I appreciate you know my heart.
I appreciate you never took it and ran.

I appreciate your willingness to go deep.
I appreciate your willingness to stay light.
I appreciate your time and your effort.
I appreciate your smile and your comfort.
I appreciate your steadiness.
I appreciate your fumbles.
I appreciate your realness.
I appreciate your heart.
I appreciate your humor.
I appreciate your tears.
I appreciate your embrace.
I appreciate your friendship.

I appreciate you... love.

Breaking my heart

Having a child changes everything. I cant watch a commercial that is slightly sappy without crying. I watch every movie/tv show that has anything to do with extreme love or loss and just weep. I think about her on special days and what it will be like and I can already feel an overwhelming joy for those great moments. But how do you explain to someone what that is like... I don't think I can explain, well... maybe. It is so intense and strong that I ache. I hurt. I love. I wish. I dream harder than I ever have. I  am everything so much more.

Today Lily was walking up the stairs with me and talking to me about something in her own special language. She is quickly picking up words but its the combo of those words that makes it so amazing. She is so precious the way she approaches life. So soft and happy. Peaceful. She creates peace in my life and shows me peace in the most stressful of moments. I am amazed at/by her. Who knew...

Change of plans...

So its the new year and in just about three weeks I will be turning 32. Can't believe how fast this year has flown by. So with this new year Ryan and I have decided to get a new us. Unlike most people who make new years resolutions we have just decided to make a plan. A new eating and working out plan has already begun to take place. Its been 10 days into our 6-8 week overhaul and things are looking good! Two friends of ours who did this very same thing just a few months ago look amazing and are assisting us with making this change. Ryan and I have been doing it for 10 days and the results we have so far leave me very excited for the remaining 32+.

We have decided to take photos to see our transformation however these photos are of us in our unmentionables so you will have to wait for the final result photos to really see it. But our assumption is if you know us at all you wont need to see the before photos to see the difference.

And on another note I got certified as a Zumba instructor this passed weekend. I am very excited to get things started and see where it all leads. I have two possible opportunities in the works and hopefully more to come.

I will keep you posted.