What a gift this would be!

So in town there is a photographer that I would die to have take our first family photos and it just happens they are doing a giveaway via The Motherhood Collective!!! Check this out: http://www.themotherhoodcollective.org/500-facebook-likes-giveaway/
Like that page and help them get to 500 then they are picking a winner!! Fingers crossed and prayers sent that we get to win it! Lev is here in just two weeks (or sooner) so wouldn't this be great as a family gift!

Video

Ok so often Ryan and I will drive around town and bust out old school songs that one or both of us haven't heard in forever. The greatest part about this is that most of the time our choices are so different that he can remember songs I totally spaced and visa versa. Anyhow one of our favorites is India.Arie and as I have been writing a lot about feeling empowered to have your own experience and not the one others tell you you will have I was encouraged by her song Video. Do you all remember this song? I mean this song gives me the same feeling that Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou does. So in effort to encourage you and get you to either listen to a song you have never heard or totally forgot I am posting the lyrics below. Enjoy:

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

[Chorus]
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen

I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
India.Arie

[Verse 2]
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose
My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…
But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion
Confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception,
Something got to change

Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession 
Of a life learned lesson 
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind 
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright

[Chorus]

[Out]
Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All’s I need is my guitar

Keep your crystal and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine…

Maybe it's..

You could say it's the California girl in me, the need to wear as little as possible while roasting a child within my womb or maybe a lack of consideration for others. Call it what you will but I have no shame in wearing a bikini while 8.5 months pregnant. Thats right ladies and gentleman I sport a bikini with my happy belly saying hello to everyone I see and there is nothing you can do about it!

I am saying this because while I am on my rant about how people tell you whats on their mind whether you ask for it or not, especially while pregnant, I will no longer sit by while others say we aren't allowed to show off our tummies while preggo. I mean seriously I feel more confident in a bikini pregnant that I did when I wasn't, at least now I can blame any imperfection on the baby...jk. Seriously though, I was at the water park Saturday with my family, in 90 degree weather and roasting from the both inside and out. There is no way you could have convinced me to put on a full piece bathing suit or a tankini for that matter and sweat my butt off while simultaneously having my entire lower half dipped in water. Sorry friends this is where we will part ways. I am sexy and I know it. If you don't like it, look the other direction cause this hot mama isn't putting on a full piece unless she plans on doing some laps in an indoor pool.

Thoughts on what is said and is left unsaid.

So today I was talking to a new friend of mine about slings. Well I should say we were talking about the different types of baby carriers and she was taking me through the several she had. I mean who knew that there were so many different types and then so much to know about each one?!? Anyhow this got us talking about my first experience with a carrier, a Bjorn to be exact, and the extreme difficulties I had with using it while, excuse my candor, breastfeeding.
For me the Bjorn had to be one of the most painful things to have on. If it wasn't driving me to sheer pain via the breast region, I was soon overcome with aches and pains in my lower back. Now I in no way am saying its the Bjorn's fault but rather my body frame and what works for me. And what this led me to think about was all the things I didn't know the first time around that I know now.

I mean seriously I think if most parents, mothers especially, were to write a book during the second pregnancy of all the things they didn't know the first time and are thankful for now, I think it would drastically help, or maybe just frighten first time parents more.
Anyhow down the rabbit hole I went with my train of thought. I started reflecting on all the things that happened the first time that I have yet to encounter this time around.
This may be in direct correlation to how much I am asking things but nevertheless there are certain things that I wonder why they are never said. So in my feeble attempt to be candid and upfront and hopefully prepare you for the reality of pregnancy I am going to share some of those things that have happened once or twice.

Ok so with Lily (pregnancy 1) I frequently had people say things to me about the "reality" of being a mother. They would tell me how I was going to loose my freedom, my sex drive, my ability to pee alone. How I would probably never have time to take care of myself, gone are the days of girls night out and/or date night with the hubs. There would be no spontaneity, my boobs would never look the same, I would be constantly tired and lets not forget the complete and total body change. I would hear about how labor was a "bitch" that I was insane to not take the epidural! Or I was insane not to go all natural. I mean everyone had an opinion! I remember thinking, "I need help and based on the sound of things I am going to fail miserably!" Then came the absurd comments, this stemming usually from people who just weren't thinking about what they were saying. I had the guy who shouted across the movie store "OH MY GOD YOU ARE HUGE!" Then the lady at the wedding "You look miserable!" And of course after Lily was born I had the commentary about her size, her frequency of eating and my personal favorite regarding how "she may be a good baby but wait until the next one!"

Seriously I wanted to poke people in the eyes!

Now this time around I have had less of the above and more of the warnings of difficulty of going from one to two. That if I thought I didn't have time before wait until the second one comes! Am I having a c-section again or planning on a vaginal birth? There is less assumption that I don't know what I am doing and more questions, which I actually prefer. Granted this time I myself am asking a lot less questions,which probably assists with the lack of asinine statements. I don't have the same fears wrapped up in this pregnancy either. I am not foolish enough to think Lev will be the exact same as Lily but I do believe that some things will come up again and those are the things that though forgotten over the last two years, have come flooding back when talking to some of my friends the last couple weeks.

One: C-section or Vaginal delivery it matters little. You will bleed for like 6 wks after which some how managed to be the very last thing I ever heard about when I was pregnant the first time. No one told me about the horrible panties you have to wear and the cleaning process. This is no joke. This is your "monthly bill" on steroids! So please don't be shocked if you don't feel sexy after, I cant say I know anyone who does during this time period. And yes it can put a real damper on the sex life. BUT and this is a big BUT there was no lack of desire and believe you me, Ryan and I couldn't wait for the 6 weeks to be over! So boo on you who say it leaves. However I do want to point out it takes more effort when you are working around a baby and in this case I will now be working around 2.  So in some instances people are right, it is different, but not worse!

Second: Freedom: Yes it has changed. I am just now getting to the point where I can potty alone and now we are about to introduce our second one into the mix. This for a time being can be annoying but it will even itself out. I am no longer scared that I won't have "me time." Ryan and I have made it a point to give me some alone time on the weekends and it has been great. I also have found an outlet in teaching Zumba, so for me this is great "me time." I still go out with the girls and Ryan and I have made it a point to not loose our date nights. Its what keeps us sane. I think if you make it a priority it will be. Just like you make sure you eat everyday, we make sure we go out at least once a month if not more often.

Third: Breastfeeding. Ok I'm gonna go off on this one for a hot minute. When I first had Lil I remember feeling like I had to bf or I was a horrible mother. I wanted to do it not only because of the money it saved but because I saw the benefit in the bond it could/would create. However, when things didn't go the way I would have liked them to, I really took it hard. I struggled for several weeks with the fact that the pain was just too intense and that I wasn't going to be able to do it full time. I tried for over a month but eventually gave in and just pumped my milk. I did this for 11 months and looking back I am damn proud I did it that long. It was not always fun, or convenient. My boobs hurt if I went to long and having to do it every couple hours was brutal (especially in the middle of the night when I wanted to lay on my stomach.)
But I do not think that Lily and I lack a bond because I didn't feed her directly from the breast. In fact I think we are just as close as anyone who has bf. And to be honest I am happy I pumped. It gave me the freedom to have a break and let daddy, grandma/pa, aunt and uncles take over. It also made date night that much easier. So all that to say, I am not a bad mom because I couldn't stand the pain and gave in to pump. Pumping was a pain, but better than paying money out the butt for formula. So again boo on anyone who says you have to do it one way to get any one result.

Fourth: Sexiness. And I will close with this for now. I may choose to come back and talk about some more things, things I forgot about or maybe just need to ponder some more, but sexiness is defiantly one that is important. I am sexy. I didn't feel sexy often during my pregnancy the first time, actually more often than not. I feel sexy a lot more during this one and I contribute that to working out. With the first one I sat on my butt 8 hours a day and worked out 3 times a week. This one I teach Zumba 5-6 times a week and that is about all I need to do. Dancing gave me my sexy back. After Lily I lost all my weight (60 lbs I gained with her) and I felt sexier than I had in a long time. I take time to buy things that make me feel good, I allow myself cookies and frozen yogurt and I also make it a point to interact with my husband like there isn't a child in the next room sleeping. I do think getting my hair done, my feet done and taking care of myself is a big reason for this and I do not agree that you "won't have time" once you become a mom. You won't have time if you don't make time. You don't feel good about yourself then get off your butt and do something about it.  I am not a bad mom because I go out on alone time. If I buy myself something instead of her/him. If I teach a class for an hour 5 times a week or if my husband and I choose to have a get away weekend and leave the kids behind. I am not sexy because I am size 2. I am sexy because I am size 10 and feel damn good about myself. I will not fall into the mom jean trap and I will stay up on hip things that help me feel like me. So again I say boo on you who say otherwise...do you notice a trend?

So with all that said I will close with this. Everyone has an opinion. They will share their version of the experience of life and you can take it for what its worth. But I caution you new moms to not take on their experience as your own. You are who you are and you and your spouse will do things your way. Your life experience and that of others may flavor what you choose to do but just because it went that way for them doesn't mean it will go that way for you. You will be ok. You are a good mom/dad.  You do not have to be perfect. You will fail and that is ok. Just get back up and do it again.

Lessons

I have a million thoughts running around in my head. Being pregnant can cause me to be all over the place, well at least more than normal. :) So instead of trying to make sense of one or two things and writing about those I am just going to spew it all out and see how it goes.
Today I was reminded of what a blessed woman I am. Blessed for a number of reasons, in some ways I may not even be aware of, nevertheless I am going to take a minute to express my thanks by sharing with you what was brought to light this weekend.

My husband. This weekend I was reminded of how much of a great man, husband, father he truly  is. These days its seems like you often hear about men who aren't there, who aren't faithful, who aren't good role models. Who are full of themselves, out for their own and ignorant of what it means to be a "real" man. I for one am sick of hearing it. Now I am not saying that there aren't there fair share of men who haven't royally screwed up. I mean I have had personal experience with the several of those named above, but my husband is not one of them. I don't ever question whether he will be there in the morning, if he will take an active part in his children's lives or if we will have food on the table. I know he still finds me irresistible (even 7.5 months pregnant) and looks forward to spending the rest of his life with me. He adores his daughter and isn't afraid to show it and is never ever any question of whether we will have a roof over our heads. He continues to amaze me with his ideas on how to challenge and better our lives, his willingness to change and experience new things and to never settle for less. I didn't grow up with man in my life who comes close to resembling my husband. In fact some might have assumed I would have ended up with a carbon copy of the ones that were. But by Gods grace and mercy I have got the man who defies all the odds. Thank you Jesus for your redeeming power.

My children. Yesterday, just before I went to bed, I was on Facebook checking out how people are doing on the west coast. I noticed a post from a friend who was about 34 weeks pregnant. She was at the store and her water broke and her and her husband were on their way to the hospital. Now anyone who is aware of the time line of birth knows for a healthy baby 34 weeks is still in the early stages and can cause some serious issues. However for this set of friends their little boy has a heart condition and was already given a unfavorable prognosis if he was born on time. Needless to say they sent out a request for prayer and a desire to see God work a miracle. This morning I woke up to see what the update was and sadly he was born with no heartbeat. He didn't respond to any attempts to resuscitate and he went to be with our Lord. Of course like anyone you are instantly moved and brought to tears. I prayed and then of course like any pregnant woman would, reflected on my own experience. I was blessed to have a healthy daughter 2.5 years ago and as far as we know are due to have a happy healthy boy in 2.5 months. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child, not in utero, in birth or after any amount of time after. My heart breaks for my friends and cannot imagine the pain they are experiencing. I am then brought to thanksgiving. Thankful that I have a promise of a heavenly father who has his arms wrapped around my friends and is able to do all things. Thankful that I have healthy children and have not had to go through what my friends and so many others have. Thankful that when I get struck with fear that something like this could happen to me and I wouldn't make it through, that the Lord reminds of my how untrue that thought is.

His provision. Like I touched upon previously I am so thankful for what he has given. Today I am thankful for his financial provision. Ryan and I are apart of Samaritan Ministries, a medical share group where we are given the opportunity to share our needs with other Christians and to not only help pay for those needs but to walk with them and pray for them along the journey. Anyhow we submitted our need for the hospital bill that will total somewhere around 8 grand after all is said and done. Like with anything there is always a chance that things won't fully be covered but we received in the mail yesterday the notice that our full need has been submitted and we will receive full compensation come June! Praise the Lord! This is great news as we were only compensated 80% of the doctor bills for the prenatal care. This just took a big stress out of my mind and answered a prayer. He is faithful and continues to show me that daily.

Friends. Ok after 4 years of being in Lynchburg I have finally started to find my stride. I have some great ladies in my life and I am thankful for each of them and the role they have in my life and the lives of my family members. But I also was reminded earlier this week on a friends birthday of how blessed I am to have my friends around the world. I know some really awesome women and men who have all had seriously influential moments in my life. Some where able to be there for longer periods of time than others but all of them have special places in my mind and heart. As a 33 year old woman I can look back at times in my life where I did some crazy stuff. I wasn't always a great person, I made some stupid mistakes and paid for each of them in my own way. But as I look at Facebook, read emails and letters I have received I am aware of all the really great people who have stood by me through it all. I am thankful that friendship isn't based on location or length of time.

Ok and as usual I have hit a wall and I am exhausted. Its nap time. 8 hour nap time. I shall ramble some more later.

He

He wasn't my first crush. He wasn't my first kiss or my first date. He wasn't the first one to wish me a Happy Valentines Day or win me a teddy bear at the fair. He didn't take me to prom or homecoming. He wasn't my stalker in college.
He was the first one to kiss me good night. He was my first real valentines date. He was the first to show me what it is to be the best me. The first to look at me the way only your truest companion can. He was the fist to dance with me in the middle of the aisle of Walmart. To ask me to be his girl friend next to the medicine aisle in Kroger. He was the one who showed me what God meant by loving one unconditionally. To be the father of my children and to go on the adventure of  a lifetime.
I love him. He is my husband.

Stolen idea

So maybe its because I actually wrote something yesterday and then was prompted to read other blogs today but I have decided to post again today. Still haven't come to a final decision on the ending of this blog but until I have why not post this fun Get to Know Me that I saw on a friends blog.

Just a disclaimer I am posting this because its fun and because as I read through hers I realized how much my own answers have changed since I last filled one of these out.

Meet ME!! Q&A

Favorite Fruit:I love Mangos. Seriously I could eat them every day. Especially yellow mangos. I wished we lived in Hawaii so I could have my own mango tree. ( I realize you can have mango trees in other areas then Hawaii but I loved that they just go wild there and plus Hawaii is gorgeous!)

Favorite Sentimental Movie:  Not sure if this counts but I like Stranger Than Fiction

Favorite Cheesy Horror Movie: I am not a fan of horror films cheesy or otherwise. So I got nothing for ya on this one. Mainly because normal horror films are to scary and cheesy ones just seem pointless. If I wanna be scared all I have to do is watch something on I.D (investigative discovery) and can get frightened by the sounds that echo through my house. 

Favorite Album: not sure. probably the mix Ryan made me that I listened to on the flight to his house Christmas Eve (the day before we got engaged) mainly because of the memories and though put into the album.

Favorite Type Of Cheese: Goat cheese (all kinds) 

Mac Or PC?: Mac

Favorite Age Group: my 30s have been way better than any other I have experienced so personally I love the 30s and hope it only gets better

Favorite Arctic Animal: Polar Bear

Favorite Book: Right now: The Hunger Games series so good

Favorite Disney Movie:  Mary Poppins

Favorite Bad Habit: mass consumption of Thin Mints

Favorite Season: Spring

Favorite Smell: Lilies and Ginger

Favorite meat: this seems like a strange question to me. Why would I have a favorite meat?  I guess I like filet

Type of clothing? maxi dresses

Position to sleep in? Back sleeper. 

Cartoon character? Woody from Toy Story

Stand up comedian? no idea

Place in the world: The Ocean!!!  St Lucia South Africa. Though id love to go to Fiji!!

TV show:  Parenthood, So You Think You Can Dance

Favorite Word: seriously

Favorite Thing That Flies: planes. mainly because its the one thing that gets me to my loved ones around the world quicker than anything else.

Favorite Thing to Do When Nervous: Bite the side of my lip

Favorite Planet: Earth

Favorite Reason for Laughter: My daughter and her randomness and Ryan and his awesome impressions of an irish dancer. hahaha

Favorite Children's Book: right now the Big Sister book we are reading to Lily to prep her for her sibling.

Favorite Location: anywhere Ryan is

Favorite Author: changes. there is no favorite. I need to read more to have a favorite. 

Favorite Food Topping: Salsa

Favorite Type of Weather: Sunshine and a light breeze. California Spring time....just bring me a hammock.

Whats the point...

Ok so a couple weeks ago I read a friends blog, well I should say I read her blog and about four other blogs in the course of about two days, and I found myself asking why I even bother writing on this thing. I don't have a whole lot of time, I cannot articulate things the way many others can and to be honest I am wondering how important it is for me to share my thoughts for a few friends who follow me and maybe some strangers who happen to stumble upon this thing. I originally started because I was on the missions field and it was a great way for me to communicate with friends and family without bombarding them with email after email. Then I thought as I moved out to Nashville and away from a lot of my friends in San Diego it would help stay up with them. I mean lets be honest, if you know me you know I am horrible at writing, calling, texting etc. So for me this was going to be my "gift" to my friends and family. An attempt to communicate better than I ever had and a way to share random stories just like you if we were hanging out together.
Alas I have failed miserably. I did ok when single and then married. I even had a good run when Lily and I got into a normal routine, but now I find myself pregnant a second time, mother of a toddler, teaching dance 4 to 6 times a week and loving on my husband (to name a few things). And honestly I feel wore out. I want to write my thoughts, I want to share with friends and family all the little crazy stories that have happened, but either they aren't happening the same way to used to or I just don't' have the same drive to sit and write out my thoughts for all to read.
So in that I am thinking of closing this blog and going back to old fashion journal writing. A place where I need not be concerned about grammar and who may or may not be reading what Im writing. I can say things without being concerned that it will hurt someones feelings and still leave a history of my life for my children to read in the future.
So this may be it. Im letting you know now so that if you are one of those readers you aren't surprised in the near future if this completely disappears. And if you are a friend or family member who really enjoys the random entries I had on this webpage, well drop me a line or give me a call and I will just read you my journal. :)

First of the year

Ok so I majorly failed by not finishing out the last few days of Thanksgiving and then some how missing the entire month of December.  However I did so with good reason. My family was here and to spend time one the computer, no matter how short a time that is, while they were here seemed pointless. So with that I I give thanks that I didn't even feel the slightest bit of guilt and moved easily through the remainder of the year with joy

Now on to the good stuff. As always the year starts out with a bang. Mainly because I know that at the end of the month I get to celebrate another birthday. For which I am always grateful. I love birthdays. Spending time with family, friends and celebrating another year of life. This year I get to celebrate the fact that we will be welcoming another addition into our lives in July! This is something for me to stand in awe of at 33 mainly because of the difference between this pregnancy and the last. Now I would never say that my first go around was a hard one. It wasn't for the most part. I just had job that required me to sit for 8 hours a day and was constantly celebrating someones birthday thus enabling me to eat whatever, whenever. With Lily I gained almost 60 lbs.  And though I did my fair share of walking and swimming and yoga it does not begin to touch the calorie burn I get teaching zumba 5 days a week. I mean wow! At this point with Lily I had gained 15 lbs already. With peanut #2 I have gained .01 of a lb according to my last doctors appt. Yay me. But I will also contribute this to not eating any processed wheat, white flour or gluten. Really makes all the difference.

So anyhow, on to my birthday. I am turning 33! Yes 33! I will have to say that I very pumped about this birthday. I get to have a ton of friends have a nice dinner with me. And then later on I get to take a little get away with my dear friend to DC! Which I am amped on since I have never been there.

Life is good. I married to an amazing man. I have a wonderful daughter. My job is great (both teaching zumba and being a mainly stay at home mom) My family both in CA and IL are some of the greatest people I know. And now this year, finally, we have been in VA long enough that I have some amazing friendships with people with whom I cannot wait to grow with more and more. So 32 thanks for being good to me. Sure feel like my 30s are doing me better than my 20s did!