Ok. So this year has been insane. Almost a year to the day I wrote my last post. In the time that has passed I have sold our home and moved across the country. Helped my husband start his business. Finally got my certification tests done. Found new studios to teach at as well as several other little details. Life has been chaotic to say the least.
Nevertheless there was one thing I promised myself and that was that no matter what life looked like I would be better at 35 then I was at any other age thus far. What that meant for me was simple in some ways. For example, I wanted to try and have a better grip on my household (cleaning, organizing, decorating, cooking all areas that could use a little work) I want read at least three books and chill out on TV. I wanted to work on some personal emotional growth and last but not least I wanted to reach a new place in my fitness (to be honest I had two children and was looking to have my body not only back but better). I wasn't sure what that meant and thus it will the focus of this post.
So here I am 35 (and 4 days). Its been 6 months since I made this declaration to myself and I am happy to say I have met almost all my goals. I have got better at cooking and cleaning and most of the organization of my house. Though seriously this area could use continued work. ha ha. I have 3 books and I'm in the middle of my 4th. Surprisingly I have opted to turn the TV off just so I could read. This is huge if you know me as I do love me some TV. I am still working through some serious wounds I have from my childhood but I can honestly say that I don't walk around harboring ill will these days and that is wonderful. And for the last one I am actually in awe of my accomplishments. Four and half years ago I had my first child. I was relatively active and some what good about how I ate but my overall fitness level wasn't anything to write home about. Over the course of the next several years I taught group x classes and fell in love with the body I was given. I found joy in pushing myself to new limits and when I was pregnant with my second child I had a confidence I didn't expect.
The comparison between first and second pregnancy was astonishing. I sat on my rear for most of my first pregnancy. I was an academic advisor for an online school so that meant endless hours of phone and computer work. I swam and did pilates but I wasn't very active. I gained 60lbs and had such horrible hip pain through out my entire last trimester. Fast forward three years and Im pregnant again. I had lost all my weight from the first pregnancy but I wasn't going to gain all that the second time. The lifestyle change that took place between the two kids was mainly what I did for work. I left the academic advisor position and started teaching dance fitness. I was teaching on average 6 days a week and continued that until I was 38 weeks pregnant with my second. This was the biggest change. I also didn't eat for two but I still gave into all my cravings and didn't play the blame game the second time around. At the end I only gained 38lbs and it was gone 3 months after I delivered. But during that time I started to realize what exactly I was capable of. I started learning about weight training. I tried out cross fit and other weight and cardio classes. I wanted to see what I could do.
Then I moved to St. Louis. This threw me. I didn't have friends. A job. Familiar faces (apart from family) and I was just overwhelmed. We didn't have a ton of cash since we were starting a new business here in town and I wasn't teaching anywhere yet so no access to a gym. I scoured the internet for free passes to gyms or studios and eventually found myself at a studio called Sleek Body Method.
This is where it all changed. I was able to get involved with piloxing and then take part in a 12 wk boot camp. This was amazing. The girls were so inviting (check new friends off the list) I was able to work out (check no gym off the list) and I was offered a spot to train and teach (check job off the list). In a matter of a couple weeks I not only had several things that were on my list all met by this one place but in 3 short months I took my body to a new place fitness wise. I am stronger, tighter and more confident then ever. 13 lbs down and over 20 inches lost. I not only accomplished my goals but surpassed what I thought I was actually able to accomplish.
So hello 35 you look pretty damn good. This year is going to contain more goals starting with finishing out my second round of bootcamp and prepping myself for our huge trip to Hawaii in March. What do you have planned for this year? Do you think you are capable of the things your heart desires? I believe we are capable of anything with a little hard work and determination. So in this next year I am going to work on getting my personal training business off the floor. Continue to educate myself and challenge myself in ways that fit me. If there is one thing I have learned over the last 5 years being immersed in the fitness world it is that no one body is the same. Do not compare your insides with others outsides. Believe in your goals and don't beat yourself up if you fall along the way. Its that negative tape you replay that often hinders your accomplishments. Like Katy Perry says "I don't negotiate with insecurities." Cheesy but powerful. You can do it.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Woman to Woman
Lately my Facebook has been flooded with two types of status updates, sports and health. I say sports in reference to all forms of fitness but most recently football. Health I use a bit more liberally. Im mainly referencing the 30 to 40 different status updates I see daily where people are talking about food and lifestyle choices. And its the "health" status updates that cause me to want to pull my hair out!
I say this because recently it seems all I hear/see/read is people talking about food/dieting/clean eating you name it. Now let me make something clear before I go off on my quarterly rant. I am not saying that I don't believe in healthy living. I am not saying I don't believe there is a time and place for being aware of what can help you be better and what can harm you. What I am saying is that I am sick of the fear that surrounds food and exercise and body image.
Now I in no way have my crap together. Anyone who knows me knows that this is an area I have battled my whole life. There was a time in my teen years and into my mid twenties where I would have really struggled to tell you something positive when referring to my body. I would've gone on any diet and tried any new work out fad to get the weight off. I was consumed with what I ate. How it was made, what was in it and how it would reflect on the scale later in the day. It was no good! In a lot of ways I was not a happy person. However over time things began to change. I got ahold of what was going on and I stopped playing into what everyone else was doing. I started liking myself and I stopped being consumed with all the "what ifs."
Fast forward a couple years and I had Lily. Wow what an eye opener! As a woman with self perception issues it was a true challenge to have a little girl come into my life and know that she would look to me to set an example. I have written before about my experience with peoples perception of Lily when she was a baby. It was those experiences that catapulted me into adopting a new way of thinking. I declared to no longer talk about myself in a negative light. I would not comment on other women's figures. I would never go on a diet again. Nor would the word diet be used in my household. I refused to give food, good or bad, the power to define who I was as a woman. I started teaching dance fitness as a way to rid myself of stress while being physically active. I stopped obsessing over the fact that I had a hamburger, fries and some ice cream and I came to grips with the fact that I will NEVER be a size two. I embraced the fact that I have latin hips and booty to go with it. All in all I decided to like myself. Now I by no means feel like I am perfect and that I have reached my goal. Nevertheless, I am ok with the fact that it takes time to reach your goal and I don't have to feel bad if I hit several bumps along the way.
What I continue to struggle with is the constant talk of what food is going to do to us. Lately its been the "eating clean" wagon that everyone is on. I am not saying that it isn't important to be aware of what our food is made of and what we put in our bodies. But I am sick of people posting pictures of food and labeling it "good" or "bad." I am tired of people snubbing their noses at someone who doesn't buy all organic or isn't on the paleo lifestyle plan. Blaming food coloring for the way your child acts or the cookie you ate last night for those five extra pounds is getting a bit ridiculous.
Look I want people to be healthy. I think its important that everyone is active and eats smart. But can we please stop giving so much dang power to food. Be smart. Take care of yourself. Eat clean if you want to eat clean. But please if you eat a chocolate chip cookie or a soft pretzel with processed cheese from the mall can you just relax. You are not going to die from that experience. You don't need to post on Facebook how you having a cheat day. Why are we calling it a cheat day in the first place?! Who cares! Go to the gym or the park or play your Wii at home. Be active. But don't make your whole life revolve around it.
Look I want people to be healthy. I think its important that everyone is active and eats smart. But can we please stop giving so much dang power to food. Be smart. Take care of yourself. Eat clean if you want to eat clean. But please if you eat a chocolate chip cookie or a soft pretzel with processed cheese from the mall can you just relax. You are not going to die from that experience. You don't need to post on Facebook how you having a cheat day. Why are we calling it a cheat day in the first place?! Who cares! Go to the gym or the park or play your Wii at home. Be active. But don't make your whole life revolve around it.
Woman to woman there is a strong probability that at least once a month you are going to feel like a cow, doesn't mean that its true. Give yourself some slack. Eat some fries if you want to. Just let it go. We are made phenomenally. Phenomenal women are we.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
What a gift this would be!
So in town there is a photographer that I would die to have take our first family photos and it just happens they are doing a giveaway via The Motherhood Collective!!! Check this out: http://www.themotherhoodcollective.org/500-facebook-likes-giveaway/
Like that page and help them get to 500 then they are picking a winner!! Fingers crossed and prayers sent that we get to win it! Lev is here in just two weeks (or sooner) so wouldn't this be great as a family gift!
Like that page and help them get to 500 then they are picking a winner!! Fingers crossed and prayers sent that we get to win it! Lev is here in just two weeks (or sooner) so wouldn't this be great as a family gift!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Video
Ok so often Ryan and I will drive around town and bust out old school songs that one or both of us haven't heard in forever. The greatest part about this is that most of the time our choices are so different that he can remember songs I totally spaced and visa versa. Anyhow one of our favorites is India.Arie and as I have been writing a lot about feeling empowered to have your own experience and not the one others tell you you will have I was encouraged by her song Video. Do you all remember this song? I mean this song gives me the same feeling that Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou does. So in effort to encourage you and get you to either listen to a song you have never heard or totally forgot I am posting the lyrics below. Enjoy:
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
[Chorus]
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
India.Arie
[Verse 2]
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose
My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…
But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion
Confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception,
Something got to change
Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright
[Chorus]
[Out]
Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All’s I need is my guitar
Keep your crystal and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine…
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
[Chorus]
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
India.Arie
[Verse 2]
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose
My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…
But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion
Confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception,
Something got to change
Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright
[Chorus]
[Out]
Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All’s I need is my guitar
Keep your crystal and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine…
Monday, May 28, 2012
Maybe it's..
You could say it's the California girl in me, the need to wear as little as possible while roasting a child within my womb or maybe a lack of consideration for others. Call it what you will but I have no shame in wearing a bikini while 8.5 months pregnant. Thats right ladies and gentleman I sport a bikini with my happy belly saying hello to everyone I see and there is nothing you can do about it!
I am saying this because while I am on my rant about how people tell you whats on their mind whether you ask for it or not, especially while pregnant, I will no longer sit by while others say we aren't allowed to show off our tummies while preggo. I mean seriously I feel more confident in a bikini pregnant that I did when I wasn't, at least now I can blame any imperfection on the baby...jk. Seriously though, I was at the water park Saturday with my family, in 90 degree weather and roasting from the both inside and out. There is no way you could have convinced me to put on a full piece bathing suit or a tankini for that matter and sweat my butt off while simultaneously having my entire lower half dipped in water. Sorry friends this is where we will part ways. I am sexy and I know it. If you don't like it, look the other direction cause this hot mama isn't putting on a full piece unless she plans on doing some laps in an indoor pool.
I am saying this because while I am on my rant about how people tell you whats on their mind whether you ask for it or not, especially while pregnant, I will no longer sit by while others say we aren't allowed to show off our tummies while preggo. I mean seriously I feel more confident in a bikini pregnant that I did when I wasn't, at least now I can blame any imperfection on the baby...jk. Seriously though, I was at the water park Saturday with my family, in 90 degree weather and roasting from the both inside and out. There is no way you could have convinced me to put on a full piece bathing suit or a tankini for that matter and sweat my butt off while simultaneously having my entire lower half dipped in water. Sorry friends this is where we will part ways. I am sexy and I know it. If you don't like it, look the other direction cause this hot mama isn't putting on a full piece unless she plans on doing some laps in an indoor pool.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thoughts on what is said and is left unsaid.
So today I was talking to a new friend of mine about slings. Well I should say we were talking about the different types of baby carriers and she was taking me through the several she had. I mean who knew that there were so many different types and then so much to know about each one?!? Anyhow this got us talking about my first experience with a carrier, a Bjorn to be exact, and the extreme difficulties I had with using it while, excuse my candor, breastfeeding.
For me the Bjorn had to be one of the most painful things to have on. If it wasn't driving me to sheer pain via the breast region, I was soon overcome with aches and pains in my lower back. Now I in no way am saying its the Bjorn's fault but rather my body frame and what works for me. And what this led me to think about was all the things I didn't know the first time around that I know now.
I mean seriously I think if most parents, mothers especially, were to write a book during the second pregnancy of all the things they didn't know the first time and are thankful for now, I think it would drastically help, or maybe just frighten first time parents more.
Anyhow down the rabbit hole I went with my train of thought. I started reflecting on all the things that happened the first time that I have yet to encounter this time around.
This may be in direct correlation to how much I am asking things but nevertheless there are certain things that I wonder why they are never said. So in my feeble attempt to be candid and upfront and hopefully prepare you for the reality of pregnancy I am going to share some of those things that have happened once or twice.
Ok so with Lily (pregnancy 1) I frequently had people say things to me about the "reality" of being a mother. They would tell me how I was going to loose my freedom, my sex drive, my ability to pee alone. How I would probably never have time to take care of myself, gone are the days of girls night out and/or date night with the hubs. There would be no spontaneity, my boobs would never look the same, I would be constantly tired and lets not forget the complete and total body change. I would hear about how labor was a "bitch" that I was insane to not take the epidural! Or I was insane not to go all natural. I mean everyone had an opinion! I remember thinking, "I need help and based on the sound of things I am going to fail miserably!" Then came the absurd comments, this stemming usually from people who just weren't thinking about what they were saying. I had the guy who shouted across the movie store "OH MY GOD YOU ARE HUGE!" Then the lady at the wedding "You look miserable!" And of course after Lily was born I had the commentary about her size, her frequency of eating and my personal favorite regarding how "she may be a good baby but wait until the next one!"
Seriously I wanted to poke people in the eyes!
Now this time around I have had less of the above and more of the warnings of difficulty of going from one to two. That if I thought I didn't have time before wait until the second one comes! Am I having a c-section again or planning on a vaginal birth? There is less assumption that I don't know what I am doing and more questions, which I actually prefer. Granted this time I myself am asking a lot less questions,which probably assists with the lack of asinine statements. I don't have the same fears wrapped up in this pregnancy either. I am not foolish enough to think Lev will be the exact same as Lily but I do believe that some things will come up again and those are the things that though forgotten over the last two years, have come flooding back when talking to some of my friends the last couple weeks.
One: C-section or Vaginal delivery it matters little. You will bleed for like 6 wks after which some how managed to be the very last thing I ever heard about when I was pregnant the first time. No one told me about the horrible panties you have to wear and the cleaning process. This is no joke. This is your "monthly bill" on steroids! So please don't be shocked if you don't feel sexy after, I cant say I know anyone who does during this time period. And yes it can put a real damper on the sex life. BUT and this is a big BUT there was no lack of desire and believe you me, Ryan and I couldn't wait for the 6 weeks to be over! So boo on you who say it leaves. However I do want to point out it takes more effort when you are working around a baby and in this case I will now be working around 2. So in some instances people are right, it is different, but not worse!
Second: Freedom: Yes it has changed. I am just now getting to the point where I can potty alone and now we are about to introduce our second one into the mix. This for a time being can be annoying but it will even itself out. I am no longer scared that I won't have "me time." Ryan and I have made it a point to give me some alone time on the weekends and it has been great. I also have found an outlet in teaching Zumba, so for me this is great "me time." I still go out with the girls and Ryan and I have made it a point to not loose our date nights. Its what keeps us sane. I think if you make it a priority it will be. Just like you make sure you eat everyday, we make sure we go out at least once a month if not more often.
Third: Breastfeeding. Ok I'm gonna go off on this one for a hot minute. When I first had Lil I remember feeling like I had to bf or I was a horrible mother. I wanted to do it not only because of the money it saved but because I saw the benefit in the bond it could/would create. However, when things didn't go the way I would have liked them to, I really took it hard. I struggled for several weeks with the fact that the pain was just too intense and that I wasn't going to be able to do it full time. I tried for over a month but eventually gave in and just pumped my milk. I did this for 11 months and looking back I am damn proud I did it that long. It was not always fun, or convenient. My boobs hurt if I went to long and having to do it every couple hours was brutal (especially in the middle of the night when I wanted to lay on my stomach.)
But I do not think that Lily and I lack a bond because I didn't feed her directly from the breast. In fact I think we are just as close as anyone who has bf. And to be honest I am happy I pumped. It gave me the freedom to have a break and let daddy, grandma/pa, aunt and uncles take over. It also made date night that much easier. So all that to say, I am not a bad mom because I couldn't stand the pain and gave in to pump. Pumping was a pain, but better than paying money out the butt for formula. So again boo on anyone who says you have to do it one way to get any one result.
Fourth: Sexiness. And I will close with this for now. I may choose to come back and talk about some more things, things I forgot about or maybe just need to ponder some more, but sexiness is defiantly one that is important. I am sexy. I didn't feel sexy often during my pregnancy the first time, actually more often than not. I feel sexy a lot more during this one and I contribute that to working out. With the first one I sat on my butt 8 hours a day and worked out 3 times a week. This one I teach Zumba 5-6 times a week and that is about all I need to do. Dancing gave me my sexy back. After Lily I lost all my weight (60 lbs I gained with her) and I felt sexier than I had in a long time. I take time to buy things that make me feel good, I allow myself cookies and frozen yogurt and I also make it a point to interact with my husband like there isn't a child in the next room sleeping. I do think getting my hair done, my feet done and taking care of myself is a big reason for this and I do not agree that you "won't have time" once you become a mom. You won't have time if you don't make time. You don't feel good about yourself then get off your butt and do something about it. I am not a bad mom because I go out on alone time. If I buy myself something instead of her/him. If I teach a class for an hour 5 times a week or if my husband and I choose to have a get away weekend and leave the kids behind. I am not sexy because I am size 2. I am sexy because I am size 10 and feel damn good about myself. I will not fall into the mom jean trap and I will stay up on hip things that help me feel like me. So again I say boo on you who say otherwise...do you notice a trend?
So with all that said I will close with this. Everyone has an opinion. They will share their version of the experience of life and you can take it for what its worth. But I caution you new moms to not take on their experience as your own. You are who you are and you and your spouse will do things your way. Your life experience and that of others may flavor what you choose to do but just because it went that way for them doesn't mean it will go that way for you. You will be ok. You are a good mom/dad. You do not have to be perfect. You will fail and that is ok. Just get back up and do it again.
For me the Bjorn had to be one of the most painful things to have on. If it wasn't driving me to sheer pain via the breast region, I was soon overcome with aches and pains in my lower back. Now I in no way am saying its the Bjorn's fault but rather my body frame and what works for me. And what this led me to think about was all the things I didn't know the first time around that I know now.
I mean seriously I think if most parents, mothers especially, were to write a book during the second pregnancy of all the things they didn't know the first time and are thankful for now, I think it would drastically help, or maybe just frighten first time parents more.
Anyhow down the rabbit hole I went with my train of thought. I started reflecting on all the things that happened the first time that I have yet to encounter this time around.
This may be in direct correlation to how much I am asking things but nevertheless there are certain things that I wonder why they are never said. So in my feeble attempt to be candid and upfront and hopefully prepare you for the reality of pregnancy I am going to share some of those things that have happened once or twice.
Ok so with Lily (pregnancy 1) I frequently had people say things to me about the "reality" of being a mother. They would tell me how I was going to loose my freedom, my sex drive, my ability to pee alone. How I would probably never have time to take care of myself, gone are the days of girls night out and/or date night with the hubs. There would be no spontaneity, my boobs would never look the same, I would be constantly tired and lets not forget the complete and total body change. I would hear about how labor was a "bitch" that I was insane to not take the epidural! Or I was insane not to go all natural. I mean everyone had an opinion! I remember thinking, "I need help and based on the sound of things I am going to fail miserably!" Then came the absurd comments, this stemming usually from people who just weren't thinking about what they were saying. I had the guy who shouted across the movie store "OH MY GOD YOU ARE HUGE!" Then the lady at the wedding "You look miserable!" And of course after Lily was born I had the commentary about her size, her frequency of eating and my personal favorite regarding how "she may be a good baby but wait until the next one!"
Seriously I wanted to poke people in the eyes!
Now this time around I have had less of the above and more of the warnings of difficulty of going from one to two. That if I thought I didn't have time before wait until the second one comes! Am I having a c-section again or planning on a vaginal birth? There is less assumption that I don't know what I am doing and more questions, which I actually prefer. Granted this time I myself am asking a lot less questions,which probably assists with the lack of asinine statements. I don't have the same fears wrapped up in this pregnancy either. I am not foolish enough to think Lev will be the exact same as Lily but I do believe that some things will come up again and those are the things that though forgotten over the last two years, have come flooding back when talking to some of my friends the last couple weeks.
One: C-section or Vaginal delivery it matters little. You will bleed for like 6 wks after which some how managed to be the very last thing I ever heard about when I was pregnant the first time. No one told me about the horrible panties you have to wear and the cleaning process. This is no joke. This is your "monthly bill" on steroids! So please don't be shocked if you don't feel sexy after, I cant say I know anyone who does during this time period. And yes it can put a real damper on the sex life. BUT and this is a big BUT there was no lack of desire and believe you me, Ryan and I couldn't wait for the 6 weeks to be over! So boo on you who say it leaves. However I do want to point out it takes more effort when you are working around a baby and in this case I will now be working around 2. So in some instances people are right, it is different, but not worse!
Second: Freedom: Yes it has changed. I am just now getting to the point where I can potty alone and now we are about to introduce our second one into the mix. This for a time being can be annoying but it will even itself out. I am no longer scared that I won't have "me time." Ryan and I have made it a point to give me some alone time on the weekends and it has been great. I also have found an outlet in teaching Zumba, so for me this is great "me time." I still go out with the girls and Ryan and I have made it a point to not loose our date nights. Its what keeps us sane. I think if you make it a priority it will be. Just like you make sure you eat everyday, we make sure we go out at least once a month if not more often.
Third: Breastfeeding. Ok I'm gonna go off on this one for a hot minute. When I first had Lil I remember feeling like I had to bf or I was a horrible mother. I wanted to do it not only because of the money it saved but because I saw the benefit in the bond it could/would create. However, when things didn't go the way I would have liked them to, I really took it hard. I struggled for several weeks with the fact that the pain was just too intense and that I wasn't going to be able to do it full time. I tried for over a month but eventually gave in and just pumped my milk. I did this for 11 months and looking back I am damn proud I did it that long. It was not always fun, or convenient. My boobs hurt if I went to long and having to do it every couple hours was brutal (especially in the middle of the night when I wanted to lay on my stomach.)
But I do not think that Lily and I lack a bond because I didn't feed her directly from the breast. In fact I think we are just as close as anyone who has bf. And to be honest I am happy I pumped. It gave me the freedom to have a break and let daddy, grandma/pa, aunt and uncles take over. It also made date night that much easier. So all that to say, I am not a bad mom because I couldn't stand the pain and gave in to pump. Pumping was a pain, but better than paying money out the butt for formula. So again boo on anyone who says you have to do it one way to get any one result.
Fourth: Sexiness. And I will close with this for now. I may choose to come back and talk about some more things, things I forgot about or maybe just need to ponder some more, but sexiness is defiantly one that is important. I am sexy. I didn't feel sexy often during my pregnancy the first time, actually more often than not. I feel sexy a lot more during this one and I contribute that to working out. With the first one I sat on my butt 8 hours a day and worked out 3 times a week. This one I teach Zumba 5-6 times a week and that is about all I need to do. Dancing gave me my sexy back. After Lily I lost all my weight (60 lbs I gained with her) and I felt sexier than I had in a long time. I take time to buy things that make me feel good, I allow myself cookies and frozen yogurt and I also make it a point to interact with my husband like there isn't a child in the next room sleeping. I do think getting my hair done, my feet done and taking care of myself is a big reason for this and I do not agree that you "won't have time" once you become a mom. You won't have time if you don't make time. You don't feel good about yourself then get off your butt and do something about it. I am not a bad mom because I go out on alone time. If I buy myself something instead of her/him. If I teach a class for an hour 5 times a week or if my husband and I choose to have a get away weekend and leave the kids behind. I am not sexy because I am size 2. I am sexy because I am size 10 and feel damn good about myself. I will not fall into the mom jean trap and I will stay up on hip things that help me feel like me. So again I say boo on you who say otherwise...do you notice a trend?
So with all that said I will close with this. Everyone has an opinion. They will share their version of the experience of life and you can take it for what its worth. But I caution you new moms to not take on their experience as your own. You are who you are and you and your spouse will do things your way. Your life experience and that of others may flavor what you choose to do but just because it went that way for them doesn't mean it will go that way for you. You will be ok. You are a good mom/dad. You do not have to be perfect. You will fail and that is ok. Just get back up and do it again.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Lessons
I have a million thoughts running around in my head. Being pregnant can cause me to be all over the place, well at least more than normal. :) So instead of trying to make sense of one or two things and writing about those I am just going to spew it all out and see how it goes.
Today I was reminded of what a blessed woman I am. Blessed for a number of reasons, in some ways I may not even be aware of, nevertheless I am going to take a minute to express my thanks by sharing with you what was brought to light this weekend.
My husband. This weekend I was reminded of how much of a great man, husband, father he truly is. These days its seems like you often hear about men who aren't there, who aren't faithful, who aren't good role models. Who are full of themselves, out for their own and ignorant of what it means to be a "real" man. I for one am sick of hearing it. Now I am not saying that there aren't there fair share of men who haven't royally screwed up. I mean I have had personal experience with the several of those named above, but my husband is not one of them. I don't ever question whether he will be there in the morning, if he will take an active part in his children's lives or if we will have food on the table. I know he still finds me irresistible (even 7.5 months pregnant) and looks forward to spending the rest of his life with me. He adores his daughter and isn't afraid to show it and is never ever any question of whether we will have a roof over our heads. He continues to amaze me with his ideas on how to challenge and better our lives, his willingness to change and experience new things and to never settle for less. I didn't grow up with man in my life who comes close to resembling my husband. In fact some might have assumed I would have ended up with a carbon copy of the ones that were. But by Gods grace and mercy I have got the man who defies all the odds. Thank you Jesus for your redeeming power.
My children. Yesterday, just before I went to bed, I was on Facebook checking out how people are doing on the west coast. I noticed a post from a friend who was about 34 weeks pregnant. She was at the store and her water broke and her and her husband were on their way to the hospital. Now anyone who is aware of the time line of birth knows for a healthy baby 34 weeks is still in the early stages and can cause some serious issues. However for this set of friends their little boy has a heart condition and was already given a unfavorable prognosis if he was born on time. Needless to say they sent out a request for prayer and a desire to see God work a miracle. This morning I woke up to see what the update was and sadly he was born with no heartbeat. He didn't respond to any attempts to resuscitate and he went to be with our Lord. Of course like anyone you are instantly moved and brought to tears. I prayed and then of course like any pregnant woman would, reflected on my own experience. I was blessed to have a healthy daughter 2.5 years ago and as far as we know are due to have a happy healthy boy in 2.5 months. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child, not in utero, in birth or after any amount of time after. My heart breaks for my friends and cannot imagine the pain they are experiencing. I am then brought to thanksgiving. Thankful that I have a promise of a heavenly father who has his arms wrapped around my friends and is able to do all things. Thankful that I have healthy children and have not had to go through what my friends and so many others have. Thankful that when I get struck with fear that something like this could happen to me and I wouldn't make it through, that the Lord reminds of my how untrue that thought is.
His provision. Like I touched upon previously I am so thankful for what he has given. Today I am thankful for his financial provision. Ryan and I are apart of Samaritan Ministries, a medical share group where we are given the opportunity to share our needs with other Christians and to not only help pay for those needs but to walk with them and pray for them along the journey. Anyhow we submitted our need for the hospital bill that will total somewhere around 8 grand after all is said and done. Like with anything there is always a chance that things won't fully be covered but we received in the mail yesterday the notice that our full need has been submitted and we will receive full compensation come June! Praise the Lord! This is great news as we were only compensated 80% of the doctor bills for the prenatal care. This just took a big stress out of my mind and answered a prayer. He is faithful and continues to show me that daily.
Friends. Ok after 4 years of being in Lynchburg I have finally started to find my stride. I have some great ladies in my life and I am thankful for each of them and the role they have in my life and the lives of my family members. But I also was reminded earlier this week on a friends birthday of how blessed I am to have my friends around the world. I know some really awesome women and men who have all had seriously influential moments in my life. Some where able to be there for longer periods of time than others but all of them have special places in my mind and heart. As a 33 year old woman I can look back at times in my life where I did some crazy stuff. I wasn't always a great person, I made some stupid mistakes and paid for each of them in my own way. But as I look at Facebook, read emails and letters I have received I am aware of all the really great people who have stood by me through it all. I am thankful that friendship isn't based on location or length of time.
Ok and as usual I have hit a wall and I am exhausted. Its nap time. 8 hour nap time. I shall ramble some more later.
Today I was reminded of what a blessed woman I am. Blessed for a number of reasons, in some ways I may not even be aware of, nevertheless I am going to take a minute to express my thanks by sharing with you what was brought to light this weekend.
My husband. This weekend I was reminded of how much of a great man, husband, father he truly is. These days its seems like you often hear about men who aren't there, who aren't faithful, who aren't good role models. Who are full of themselves, out for their own and ignorant of what it means to be a "real" man. I for one am sick of hearing it. Now I am not saying that there aren't there fair share of men who haven't royally screwed up. I mean I have had personal experience with the several of those named above, but my husband is not one of them. I don't ever question whether he will be there in the morning, if he will take an active part in his children's lives or if we will have food on the table. I know he still finds me irresistible (even 7.5 months pregnant) and looks forward to spending the rest of his life with me. He adores his daughter and isn't afraid to show it and is never ever any question of whether we will have a roof over our heads. He continues to amaze me with his ideas on how to challenge and better our lives, his willingness to change and experience new things and to never settle for less. I didn't grow up with man in my life who comes close to resembling my husband. In fact some might have assumed I would have ended up with a carbon copy of the ones that were. But by Gods grace and mercy I have got the man who defies all the odds. Thank you Jesus for your redeeming power.
My children. Yesterday, just before I went to bed, I was on Facebook checking out how people are doing on the west coast. I noticed a post from a friend who was about 34 weeks pregnant. She was at the store and her water broke and her and her husband were on their way to the hospital. Now anyone who is aware of the time line of birth knows for a healthy baby 34 weeks is still in the early stages and can cause some serious issues. However for this set of friends their little boy has a heart condition and was already given a unfavorable prognosis if he was born on time. Needless to say they sent out a request for prayer and a desire to see God work a miracle. This morning I woke up to see what the update was and sadly he was born with no heartbeat. He didn't respond to any attempts to resuscitate and he went to be with our Lord. Of course like anyone you are instantly moved and brought to tears. I prayed and then of course like any pregnant woman would, reflected on my own experience. I was blessed to have a healthy daughter 2.5 years ago and as far as we know are due to have a happy healthy boy in 2.5 months. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child, not in utero, in birth or after any amount of time after. My heart breaks for my friends and cannot imagine the pain they are experiencing. I am then brought to thanksgiving. Thankful that I have a promise of a heavenly father who has his arms wrapped around my friends and is able to do all things. Thankful that I have healthy children and have not had to go through what my friends and so many others have. Thankful that when I get struck with fear that something like this could happen to me and I wouldn't make it through, that the Lord reminds of my how untrue that thought is.
His provision. Like I touched upon previously I am so thankful for what he has given. Today I am thankful for his financial provision. Ryan and I are apart of Samaritan Ministries, a medical share group where we are given the opportunity to share our needs with other Christians and to not only help pay for those needs but to walk with them and pray for them along the journey. Anyhow we submitted our need for the hospital bill that will total somewhere around 8 grand after all is said and done. Like with anything there is always a chance that things won't fully be covered but we received in the mail yesterday the notice that our full need has been submitted and we will receive full compensation come June! Praise the Lord! This is great news as we were only compensated 80% of the doctor bills for the prenatal care. This just took a big stress out of my mind and answered a prayer. He is faithful and continues to show me that daily.
Friends. Ok after 4 years of being in Lynchburg I have finally started to find my stride. I have some great ladies in my life and I am thankful for each of them and the role they have in my life and the lives of my family members. But I also was reminded earlier this week on a friends birthday of how blessed I am to have my friends around the world. I know some really awesome women and men who have all had seriously influential moments in my life. Some where able to be there for longer periods of time than others but all of them have special places in my mind and heart. As a 33 year old woman I can look back at times in my life where I did some crazy stuff. I wasn't always a great person, I made some stupid mistakes and paid for each of them in my own way. But as I look at Facebook, read emails and letters I have received I am aware of all the really great people who have stood by me through it all. I am thankful that friendship isn't based on location or length of time.
Ok and as usual I have hit a wall and I am exhausted. Its nap time. 8 hour nap time. I shall ramble some more later.
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